Top Design
Life's A Beach

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Mr. Sobell: C- | Grade It Now!
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Color Me Bad

Let's get ourselves a construction montage going, highlighted by Goil working not one, but two belt sanders simultaneously. That is hard core wood-working, my man. Goil describes Team St. Tropez's cabana as a sculptural piece. That's one way of putting it, I guess -- the sketch makes it look like a giant boomerang that's been caught by a pair of oversized knitting needles. Team Miami has hatched on a plan to wash the lumber, instead of merely painting it; Elizabeth says that will allow the boards to "dry in this very sophisticated silver tone." That will not, however, make Team Miami's choice of green look any less like drab guacamole. After Andrea gives a cursory description of Team Tahiti's roof, we're back to the thrill-a-minute drama that is Team Miami. "I'm feeling like Goil and I are on the same page about a modern space," Carisa voice overs. "I feel like Ryan maybe has been a little absent from our conversations." This is followed by a shot of Carisa pulling Goil aside to warn him that she and Ryan "are having tension." Goil's reaction is priceless: "Oh really?" he says, trying his best to sound surprised. Goil, if that is your very best poker face, you can play cards at my house any time. "Ryan is not a team player," Goil voice overs. "Carisa is not a team player. No team players here!" Maybe Team St. Tropez should adopt that as its motto. Back in the design studio, Carisa is still trying to butter up Goil: "I think that you and I are on the same page?" she asks hopefully. "Okay," Goil says non-committally, as he backs away from Carisa. Maybe after this cabana is built, he seems to be thinking, I can build myself a hiding place.

With 40 minutes to go, Team Miami is giving a progress report. Erik says the walls are non-existent and the platforms are halfway done. Elizabeth makes some suggestions about drapes and pillows. And Matt... isn't offering much of anything. "How do you feel about where we're at? What do you think?" Erik asks Matt after giving him the rundown. Matt stares at him in a way that even a deer caught in the headlights would find unnerving. "All right," he finally says, which isn't much of an answer. "I'm scared." As are we all, Matt. Things seem to be going more swimmingly at Team Tahiti, where Felicia is marveling over Michael's newfound energy. It appears like there's no greater motivation for improvement among interior designers than telling them their work looks like something that belongs in an assisted living facility. Team St. Tropez is coming to the sad realization that they are the Goofus to everyone else's Gallant. "The other two teams seem to be a lot further ahead," Goil says wistfully. Yes, but when it comes to artificial drama, you guys are the leaders in the clubhouse, as the bickering between Carisa and Ryan now enters its 11th year. "I think Goil and I mesh up very well," says Ryan, apparently unaware of Carisa's similar voice-over earlier. "Carisa is not a listener. She fills up space." And now, the thrilling conclusion of Whose Side Is Goil On Anyway -- he agrees with Ryan on the angle at which to cut the cabana's boards. Carisa regards this development with an "E tu, Goil?" death stare. After more back-and-forth debate about the angle of the cut interspersed with Goil bemoaning the Swiss-like neutrality he must bring to the table, Goil accedes to Carisa's wishes and leaves the board the way it is for now. The point of this entire exercise is... unclear to me, actually. I'm just glad we have a commercial break so that we, as a nation, can come to terms with how we feel about the angle at which this board will be cut.

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