Wait a minute! Come back! I promise not to describe the Shear Genius promos!

Okay, then. Adler breaks it down thusly: "Carisa, your work is graphic and bold. As for your loft, we think it is confident, beautiful, functional, and it's a place we all want to hang out. The space feels open, it feels airy, and that bed was fierce." And Matt: "Your lot was sophisticated, and your daughter's room was magical. It felt like you already lived there. And it looks really expensive." Well, those are both very positive, very flattering descriptions. But I'm sure Jonathan will explain why one room trumped the other. Nope, he just awards the big prize to Matt. Uh... congratulations, Matt, on your well-deserved -- and abrupt -- victory. He and Carisa hug. He and Adler hug. Adler and Carisa hug. And then Carisa is dispensed with by the catchphrase so hateful to me, I will not transcribe it, not even this one last time. I will, however, transcribe Carisa's farewell address: "This is the best possible outcome. And I'm... really, really pleased... if Matt had not won today, Matt would have left here devastated. I didn't win today, and I'm not leaving devastated. I'm leaving really damn proud of myself." Noble words from someone who gave it her all in the final. I'm sure at some point someone will explain why her perfectly fine design was somehow not as worthy as Matt's perfectly fine design. Anyone? Adler? Oldham? Mrs. Sting?