Top Design
Lofty Designs

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Mr. Sobell: D+ | Grade It Now!
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No, I Don't Think I Will See You Decorators Later

Downstairs in Matt's loft, they're hugging this thing out. So I guess that the tiling that was so crucial that Matt's entire design hinged upon its success got done; apparently it was so crucial that it was largely done off camera. Anyhow, Ed and the rest of the work staff seem pleased. Of course, they get to go home -- Matt has to work through the night, getting his place in shape for tomorrow's final push. Primarily, this seems to involve Matt taking a roller and painting over the dirt and drywall dust that's been grinded into the cement floor. It'd be so cool right now if he managed to paint all around himself so that he had no way to escape to the rest of the room; "Oh my God," Matt would scream. "I've painted myself into a corner!" It would be soooooooooooooo metaphorical. But alas, he appears to know what he's doing. The same can not be said for Carisa who's suffering from a bad case of the Sleepies. I know this because we see her having an actual verbal argument with her paint brush -- even worse, the paint brush appears to be winning. Now this is what Bravo should be doing for a reality show -- have people work through the day and into the night and mic them up to capture their insane ramblings as they become more and more sleep deprived -- how Frank Sinatra orchestrated the Kennedy assassination and how penguins were manufactured in a lab somewhere and how the nation that controls the sorghum supply controls the world. Top Exhaustion-Induced Dementia, Bravo could call it. You bet I'd be watching. Anyhow, by a quarter to five, Matt has painted his way out of the loft so he heads back to the hotel to catch a little shut-eye; Carisa is still babbling like the chick at the end of the The Blair Witch Project until she eventually cures up on her not-as-black-as-it-once-was floor and drifts off to dreams of Jonathan Adler taunting her efforts.

And the sun rises on our final day of Top Design madness; in celebration, I put on The Doors' The End and dance about like Martin Sheen at the beginning of Apocalypse Now. Hey, I didn't say that Carisa was the only who went loopy because of this show. When Carl walks into the loft just before 8 a.m., Carisa is up off the floor and painting the walls. It looks very nice, so maybe the trick is to have her do future projects on little-to-no rest. Of course, that might prompt more tirades like this on: "I've been here all night, and I haven't slept, and I haven't been able to do anything that was, like, really, important." So maybe we table that idea. Matt appears to be in decidedly better spirits: "I'm three-quarters up the mountain. And when I get to the top, I can either, like, cruise back down in my Acadia, or I'm, like, hitching it." For your sake, Matt, I hope the judges aren't basing their final decision on the ability to construct compelling metaphors. Because if they are, you're as sunk as... a thing... that... doesn't float... very well. Guh.

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Top Design

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