MPDP appears wearing a python -- not python, a python. She's got it wrapped around her arms and she walks over to where a big lizard is sunning itself on a rock. For some reason, I can better tolerate the bad puns and clichés whenever they bring out the animals. We cut to Tom and Lori, some young kids, and a couple more lizards, which the kids are gingerly petting. I'm spelling the homeowner's name Lori, to try to minimize the confusion in this recap. If that's not the spelling, uh...sori. And if at least one of these lizards isn't named Jub-Jub, I'm going to be really disappointed. The reptiles (and other creepy crawly creatures) belong to Tom. Then we see their neighbours, Margie and Ed, sitting at the table with them, clearly nervous about the lizards. Cut to MPDP, crawling along the ground behind a big lizard prowling its way toward the camera, flicking out its forked tongue. Consensus in our forums seemed to be that it's probably some kind of monitor lizard, though others voted for "gila monster" or "Komodo dragon."
Cut to Vern, Amy Wynn, and Laurie, all of whom are wrangling reptiles and have nicknames newly bestowed by MPDP. Vern "Spider-Man" Yip has a huge tarantula hanging off his shoulder and is playing with a scorpion. Laurie "The Snake Charmer" Smith has a python. Amy Wynn "The Lady with the Lizard" Pastor has...you guessed it, a lizard. Laurie softly tells Vern: "You have a tarantula on your shoulder. I did not see that." I'm totally impressed with how calm and unsqueamish they are with the animals. You know how whenever Jack Hanna or some zookeeper or animal handler is on David Letterman's show, Letterman's all twitchy and jumpy? They're utterly not like that. I would have put money on Laurie being like that. Then again, after you've changed a few hundred poopy diapers, maybe you get over practically everything.
Ed and Margie have a very large, fairly square kitchen with walls the colour of freshly dried blood. (What was the name of this paint: "Scab?" Actually, I can't believe there isn't a whole line of "edgy" paints colour with off-putting names, just like the Urban Decay makeup line: you could have "Sewer," "Sleaze," "Bulldozer," "Chancre," "Bubonic," "Absinthe," "Laudanum," etc. Man, the goth kids would eat that up.) I can't tell from the blotchiness of the paint job -- which Margie and Ed inherited from previous homeowners -- whether it's supposed to be a faux finish or if it's just a half-assed paint job. Which, in fact, is a major problem with at least 75\% of faux finishes, if you ask me. You can't tell. At least one wall is a muddy golden-brown colour. The cabinets are a dated brown colour that looks worse with these murky red walls. There's a good-sized work island with a white tile top and a couple of stools. The countertops are white tile, and the floor is a fugly kuntry ceramic tile in blue and white with flowers in the corner. There seems to be a fair bit of light; there's one large window, and the room is very open to another room with a much larger window. Those windows have wood (or wood-look) blinds. Ed and Margie have a smallish table that seats six, with Windsor-style chairs. They don't have a formal dining room. The room is used not only for cooking and eating, but also as a cloakroom and an office: there's a good-sized desk in one corner. They apparently also homeschool their kids here, so there's a large topographical map of California on the wall. Or maybe they just love California. Margie says that visitors who see the wall colour constantly ask, of the previous owners, "What were they thinking?" My question is, "Who were they? The Manson family?" They would like new countertops, the cabinets and walls painted, some curtains added, and most of all, a brand-new floor: "But that's probably not going to happen." Me to Frink: "It will if you're getting Santa Vern." I don't think he'd suffer that floor gladly. Ed would like it if it looked like a professional chef's kitchen, with a lot of open storage. Margie wants everything put away, but Ed wants everything out. Margie doesn't want to see the knives (which are currently hanging on the wall on a magnetic strip), and she definitely doesn't want a pot rack.