Trading Spaces
Miami: Ten Court

Episode Report Card
Deborah: F | Grade It Now!
Miami: Ten Court

Oh, God. Kia's room. One wall is dark seafoam and the others are pale seafoam. It clashes marvellously with the dark blue carpet. The bed's been moved ninety degrees so that it's no longer between the windows. There's a big scallop shell headboard and smaller matching footboard, painted a pearlescent pale pinkish colour. It looks like the footboard is crooked. That might be the camera angle. There's a ladder-ish thing on each side of the bed, two bamboo poles affixed to the wall at an angle, with an MDF shelf on each of two rungs. There are little orange-shaded lamps and candles on the shelves. The bed has a mustardy-gold, tone-on-tone floral patterned duvet cover over a tailored white bed skirt and pillows in the same gold fabric, along with two pillows in cases made of the Fast Food Restaurant Orange fabric. There are five or six bamboo poles attached to the wall about six to eight inches apart on either end of the wall the bed's against. The windows are covered with rectangular bamboo frames lashed together with raffia and with a panel of sheer palm tree-patterned off-white fabric in each. They don't look like they fit the windows particularly well. I don't see how those will provide any privacy whatsoever. Rich and Nancy's original dark wood chest of drawers and mirror, with somewhat traditional styling, has been brought back in and placed between the windows. There's a small seagrass rug at the foot of the bed. Opposite the bed, where the mirror and chest of drawers were, now stands the dresser, with the remains of the branch/MDF thing propped on it, the apology written on it. Classy. The seafoam-coloured side chair, with a new cushion in what might be bark cloth -- can't see from here -- is arranged in the corner between the window and dresser, and sort of in front of what is probably a closet door, or maybe it's an entrance to a bathroom. Convenient. In front of two sliding, mirrored closet doors, there's a godawful bunch of palm tree fabric hung like drapes and tied back with raffia, and then some more beige fabric swagged across the top of that. First of all, it's fugly as sin. Second, how the hell are they supposed to get in and out of the closet? Or use the mirrors to get dressed? You can hardly see anything but the lower third of the mirrors anymore. Oh, why ask why? Despite the claims of "a method to [her] madness," Kia has no idea what she's doing, no sense of practicality at all. There were some curtains hanging there before, but they were tall tab curtains that were completely set back from the doors. I'll bet if you asked Kia to define "setback" (in relation to curtains) she couldn't. Let's move along. Around the top of the three pale seafoam walls is the jungle/toucan border. It looks awful. In the corner behind what I think is the entrance to the room is the $60 floral arrangement in the tiny wicker chair. Yeesh. It's easily one of the least coherent messes I've ever seen on this show, full of clashing colours, wasted money, impractical ideas, and reflecting no design sense whatsoever. It's a cheesy, fugly room that looks like someone spent maybe $100 at a theme motel that was having a Going Out of Business sale. The only nice thing I can say about this room is the usual with Kia's rooms: nothing good or decent was destroyed.

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Trading Spaces




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