MPDP/ jeans/ sweater/ Ambler, Pennsylvania/ Hildi/ Laurie/ Amy Wynn. God. Eighty episodes next year? Really? Laurie is teetering around in a wooded area in stiletto-heeled mules. You know you're in trouble when Hildi's more sensibly shod than you are. The first pair of homeowners is Scott and Debbie, who have two daughters, and are hoping to get their master bedroom back. The daughters, I would guess, are probably about three, and maybe five or six. Apparently, the girls have insisted on sleeping in their parents' room in sleeping bags on the floor ever since they moved into this house a year ago. It's not like they've got a giant monkey face on their wall or whatever ("Can't sleep...monkey will eat me.") Sounds like a parenting issue to me, not a decorating issue, but whatever. ["Here's where a Trading Spaces/Dr. Phil crossover would have been useful for everyone." -- Wing Chun] The girls' room has white walls and ceiling, beige carpet, and pink and yellow bedding. There are two windows on one wall, and that's about it for architectural features. There's a white dresser set, and a few girly details here and there: fairy paintings, a fancy little bistro set, etc. Debbie says that her daughters want a very girly theme (princesses/ fairies/ flowers); the girls are not tomboys. They will be if you keep pushing that crap. Cut to Scott and Debbie trying to convince their girls to say they'll sleep in their room if they get a pretty room. The older one reluctantly complies. You can tell who runs this show.
The other neighbours -- Scott, who apparently goes by "Newman," and Ellen -- have two boys...and one of the most relentlessly boring and uninspired dining rooms ever. Ellen says they mostly use the room for storage. It's got beige carpet. Why, when my mother told me I needed something to "fall back on" in case this whole crazy writing thing didn't work, did I not realize that manufacturing beige and off-white carpet was the business to be in? The only thing I've seen more of on this show than white walls is goddamn beige and off-white carpet. The walls seem to be an off-white above the chair rail and a light taupey colour below. The ceiling looks like a soft, dull yellow. They have an ugly glass dining-room table in beige and uglier beige highback chairs with even uglier upholstered seats and basketweave backs. Frank would love the pattern on these seat cushions, which should tell you all you need to know about it. There's a nondescript beige cabinet on the wall and one of those chandeliers with loopy arms and bowl-like upright shades. Also in beige. Even the tchotchkes in the cabinet are incredibly dull and colourless. Not only could I not remember enough about this room to describe it at gunpoint, I can barely tell you what it looks like as I stare at the screen. There's a bay window at the back of the room with some kind of translucent blinds on it. Ooh! There's a ficus in the corner. Probably fake, but it's the most colourful and compelling thing in the room. Sad.