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Scott Air Force Base: Ash Creek

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Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
Scott Air Force Base: Ash Creek

MPDP welcomes us to the show while sitting in the cockpit of an airplane. She explains that they are on Scott Air Force Base and then makes a bunch of military puns that aren't worth repeating, as usual. We see Kia and Doug checking out some sort of miniature motorized airplane, and then Ty runs up and hops in it and starts driving it around. Cool! I kind of want one of those. Ty nearly hits Doug right in the nuts with the nose of the plane, and I laughed, because I'm five. MPDP explains that Scott Air Force Base is "an air mobility command base," and that planes take off from there to refuel Air Force jets in midair. I wonder if the Air Force made her put that bit of propaganda into the show, because otherwise it seemed a bit strange. But MPDP does take the opportunity to segue into another bad pun about how there's no time to refuel for the designers and homeowners.

The first set of homeowners is Bernadette and Pete, and their young son Mark, whose bedroom is being redone. We see the room, which is cluttered with lots of toys and no discernible design -- like a lot of kids' rooms, it's pretty much just whatever furniture the parents could find, buy, or scavenge all shoved into one space. Plus, and I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, lots of toys. And then the usual white walls and beige carpet. Bernadette voice-overs that Mark would love a loft bed or a bunk bed, or anything up in the air. Mark says that he would love for his bed to be an airplane. Or something. I mean, he's a little kid and he doesn't speak that clearly, so I don't think I quite got his entire sentence. But I know he said "airplane" about five times. Pete says that the worst thing he could see happening is if there isn't enough room for Mark to play in. If I were a homeowner, I seriously would not answer the question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Because it seems like that always happens. Bernadette says that as long as Mark is pleased, she'll be fine.

The second set of homeowners, Patrick and Ruth, are the owners of that cool airplane. MPDP voice-overs that they are "hoping for an escape from their military life in the living and dining room area." The rooms are pretty blah, with a bunch of furniture just thrown in there. It's very "young married couple who haven't bought real furniture yet" kind of thing. And especially if they have to move around all the time, being in the military, I'm sure they don't want to invest in expensive furniture that they might have to leave behind. Anyway, they don't need me to justify their furniture choices. One couch is covered with a sad-looking red striped slipcover. There are also signs of a baby (toys, photos), although we never see or hear about the baby in the episode. Ruth says that with base housing, they're used to white walls and beige carpet, but the one thing she doesn't want is any kind of military theme, because while they love the Air Force, they want their home to be a place to escape all of that. Patrick says that they want to accent the bay window, and additional storage. Ruth says that the biggest thing that she wants done is a change to their chair. We see an ivory leather recliner (which is bad enough in and of itself) that has a black spot in the center top. Ruth explains that Patrick has somehow rubbed a spot on the chair through his constant use. That is weird. An ass groove? Sure. But a head groove? Does he use hair oil or something? Man, that chair is ugly. Patrick says that the worst thing that could happen is if Ruth is upset at the end. Again, don't answer that question, future homeowners! Just don't answer it!

MPDP, wearing a flight jumpsuit (which actually doesn't look bad on her), initiates the key swap. She manages to bungle military time ("oh eight hundred in the morning" -- as opposed to oh eight hundred in the evening? Because wouldn't that be twenty hundred?) before the keys are finally swapped. MPDP is also wearing a lot more eyeliner than usual.

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