Trading Spaces
Scottsdale: Bell Road

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Scottsdale: Bell Road

Ty brings some hoses and equipment into the bedroom, followed by Vern, who shows his team a sheet of clear furniture-grade maple. That's what they're covering the walls with. Kari asks if they're painting it mauve. I keep doing double-takes every time somebody on this show says "mauve" because they all pronounce it "mAHv." Whereas the only pronunciation I've ever heard in my life is "mOHv" -- probably because I'm Canadian. Vern explains they're going to keep it light and just put clear polyurethane over it. Kari: "Is that what the hoses are for?" Ty explains that they're for the nail guns.

The walls are mostly covered with crappy-looking doodles now, and Frank has started painting the purple around the shapes and icons. It looks so amateurish and awful that I'm actually cringing. Also, for some reason they've decided to abandon the straight horizontal line and replace it with a jagged, irregular one, à la Charlie Brown's shirt, except messier. Dana asks if it's going to take forever. Frank admits that it will. Oh, probably not any longer than it would take to cover hundreds of blind slats in fabric and reassemble them. Dana asks if it was a bad idea. Frank says it's too late now. He says he's loving the orange-peel texture coming through. Dana says she's loving it, too.

Ty sticks safety glasses on everyone, including Vern. When he puts the glasses on Vern, he kind of grips Vern's face in his big paws and shakes his head around a bit. Vern: "Wow, could you put your hands on my face a little more? That'd be great, Ty. Thanks." Translation: Keep your Type B mitts off my Type A face.

MPDP comes in to commend Vern on the painting being done, as he starts attaching the first sheet of maple. Well, with only two small walls to paint, I should hope so. MPDP marvels over the wood and how beautiful it is and that it's not MDF. Vern says he got a great deal on it; he got it for $10 a sheet, which he says is unheard of. I'll say. He bought twenty-five sheets.

Frank and Vern discuss carpentry plans. Frank's designed a desk, but Ty says it's not what he'd call dazzling. Frank's desk is just a simple, straightforward boxy deal. Ty shows Frank his own sketch for a desk, which is a huge, vaguely Paul Frank-ish monkey with a giant head, and a tiny, not terribly simian body lying on the branch of a tree. The monkey's giant mouth is a shelf that flips down into a desktop. There are two big front teeth that flip out and become legs for the desktop. He blathers on about making the eyes insane-looking. Because, you know, the whole thing isn't insane and scary enough. I hope Ryanne isn't prone to nightmares. It would give me the willies to live in a room with this thing. Frink, however, thinks it's "cool." Which is why, no matter how frustrated or tired I ever get, I will never abdicate the job of decorating to him.

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Trading Spaces

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