(Mindy) Paige Davis (Page) -- who will, throughout this recap, be known as MPDP since one of the homeowners is named Paige (and with Frank going to town with the paint in this ep, there's quite enough confusion, thank you) -- appears, wearing jeans, an American flag t-shirt, and a grey hooded zip-front sweatshirt, to tell us we're in Alvin, Texas; as she speaks, she meanders up to a statue of baseball legend Nolan Ryan. So right away, you know the puns du jour will have to do with baseball. I'm not too big on the themed puns in the narration; the ones in the Shakespeare episode just about pushed me over the edge. As MPDP leans on Ryan's bronze, uplifted left leg, she tells us they've got neighbours ready to throw some wild pitches of their own and get into the major leagues of redecorating.
The next shot is of someone putting a golf ball. It's Frank, wearing a shirt that looks like some of the rooms he's done. That should tell you everything you need to know about it. Why the switch to golf, I wonder? Why not have them at a baseball diamond? Is it just to screw with me in my sports-challengedness? Frank hands the golf club to Genevieve, who's wearing jeans, a brown leather jacket, and a cowboy hat. She giggles (no! Get out!), skips, and riverdances around the course, soccer-balling the golf ball between her feet, as we see Amy sink a putt. ["And Amy's lesbian fan base sighs in admiration." -- Kim] MPDP's voice-over introduces the three of them and throws in some golf-metaphor hole-in-one blather. Then we see Frank and Amy in a golf cart, with Gen hitching a ride on the back. As Amy takes off with a jerk (and no, I don't mean Frank...but if it were Doug or Hildi, that would have worked well), Gen falls off the back, giggling and squealing.
MPDP reminds us that their homeowners only have two days and a thousand bills to accomplish the transformation of a room in their neighbour's home. We cut to a shot of the two mother-daughter teams featured in this episode, playing cards at the kitchen table. Team Orange is Gayla and her daughter Andrea, and they want to update the spacious, serviceable kitchen they're in. It's a typical sort of '70s leftover, with orangey-brownish cabinets; a mottled avocado green vinyl floor; counters and backsplash of a fairly bilious shade of green (which doesn't seem to coordinate with the avocado); a strawberry-print wallpaper border at the top of the wall (one of my most hated decorating conventions); a little valance over a large arched window that's also covered with Venetian blinds; and a wooden table and chairs in much the same tone as the cupboards. It's not horrendous, but it's very dated and blah. Andrea says she doesn't want any day-glo orange or pink, and absolutely no blue of any shade whatsoever. We see a decorative plate on the wall; it's got an image of ripe mustardy-coloured pears and dark green leaves on it. Gayla says she likes that plate and would love to see the kitchen painted a colour like that: "Mustardy faux-finish," she calls it. Boy, I hope you're getting Frank as your designer, because you may get your wish. Andrea says she doesn't know what to do about the floor other than get rid of it and lose the avocado green. Mother razzes daughter about not liking her kitchen; daughter insists it needs an update; mother pretend-hesitates and then agrees.