Trading Spaces
Vegas: Woodmore Street

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Vegas: Woodmore Street

Shout-out to engaste and Feng.

Lord, we're still in Vegas. Good thing this is the last week, because MPDP's running out of Vegas-related puns and clichés. (She's wearing jeans and an orange long-sleeved top, for those who care. The shirt has got those pointy, slightly flappy sleeves. I'll be glad when we're done with those. I'm real sick of seeing them.) Cut to Vern, Gen, and Amy Wynn Rockette-ing their way along the Strip. Cut to our homeowners, Kirk and Birgette (whose name is spelled at least two different ways in the same three-sentence synopsis on the TLC website, and differently again on the closed captioning, so I'm just making up one that I think sounds most like what people call her on the show, and I apologize if I'm not even close), and Kenny and Samm. They're outside playing ball with Kenny and Samm's very cute young daughter.

Kenny and Samm want their family room redone. It's a large, yellowy-tan room with a very high, angled ceiling, beige flooring, and a modern ceiling fan with -- hallelujah -- no lights affixed to it. It wouldn't be too bad a room except it's in one of these new houses where someone's been let loose to add all manner of goofy, ill-considered architectural "features." In this case, there are several small, square windows high up on the walls, apropos of...not much; three on one wall, two on the other (and those two are centred above two larger, squarish windows). In the corner is one of those things that would make me roll my eyes even if my first reaction wasn't, "Oh great...how the hell am I going to describe that in a recap?" Here's my run at it: there's a fireplace in the corner, sort of, but set way back from the wall so that there are a few deep shelves above it arranged in a random, angled fashion at different heights. Not satisfied with that, the "designer" of this room has included a large open area beneath the shelves, to the right of the fireplace, and set at a different angle, to house a large TV. (Except these people have a pretty small TV, relative to the TV hole, so it just suggests something like the little Stonehenge in This is Spinal Tap. The shelves above this...unit...have tchotchkes and plants all over them, sort of Hanging Gardens of McBabylon-style. It's sort of a crazy ziggurat. Actually, I think the homeowners have done their best to cope with a ridiculous feature, but unless you go for a look that's heavy on tchotchkes and plants, you have almost no other option with this. Which is why it's stupid; it's really inflexible and limiting. Most of the shelves are too high to display anything other than very large items; little things, small pictures, and whatnot would be completely lost. It'd be a hassle to get books down from there. I'll bet it's fun getting up there all the time to water the plants, too. Maybe they're artificial. And this unit takes up a tremendous amount of space relative to its value. Frank would have gone mental for this room. He would have painted decorative little friezes along the vertical edges of the shelves and put all kinds of doll's heads and whatnot up there. It just cries out to be stacked with crap. If that's a feature, Microsoft must have gotten into the business of designing homes and not just software.

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Trading Spaces

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