Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | Grade It Now!
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Interspersed with the stories of the fan who asked James Doohan for hypodermics of his blood twice in twenty years, and the guy who coughed up some ridiculous amount of cash to drink what remained of Jon DeLancie's influenza-infested backwash just so he could go around saying, "I've got the Q virus!" should have been the moderate fans. You know, the ones who might watch Trek, discuss Trek, moderate forums on Trek, write about Trek, maybe even dream about Trek, but don't necessarily have the desire to Vulcanize their ears with painful surgery or put their pets in uniforms. (On a side note, Bones the Cat did look miserably adorable, and I sniffled to see the "In Memoriam" to him in the end credits.) I know, I know, the moderate fans don't make for interesting sound bites. I understand that, but if you want to show the universal appeal of Trek, you've gotta show the whole thing: the vanilla puddings with the tapiocas. All in all, I was pretty bored by the whole thing. But there were some fans that fall into the tapioca category who are worth mentioning. Say it with me: Spiner Femme? Spiner Freak! This one's seriously lost the plot. Let's think about this: first of all, a fireproof lock-box in her closet full of her Brent Spiner stuff that is sure to survive an earthquake, wormhole, or act of God ("I might not make it, but this will!"); secondly, she has mapped out the location of Brent Spiner's house from her balcony; and finally, she freely admits to going out on said balcony and casting her thoughts and eyes in that direction to take a "Brent break" when she's stressed. I only have one question: does she kneel on a rug too? I really wouldn't be surprised. What surprised me was not the Spiner Mecca, or the photo album adolescently decorated with magazine scraps saying "Stud," "Love Affair," "Call him sexy," et cetera, but the fact that she was toting a kid in one of the clips. So. Many. Questions. Is she married, and if so, how? What does her husband think when she takes her Brent break? Can't even begin. Maybe I don't get it because I've never been that obsessed with a celebrity. And I don't count making Mathra buy an eighteenth-century Navy lieutenant's uniform with high black boots and admiral's hat as an obsession. Is it my fault that he looks like Horatio Hornblower without the ponytail? I didn't think so. Denise was scared too. ["That's more than we needed to know about your marriage, hon." -- Sars]