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Stalk Show Host

Close-up on Lana's eyes. They are opening in an unfamiliar place. A phone rings nearby. Lana, in a nearly empty room with no vitals monitors hooked up to her, arises in bed. The door is ajar. Lana, barefoot, gets out of bed. She walks into the hall. It's incredibly creepy. The wing is dark, and there's plastic covering much of it. Nobody's around to guard Lana or watch over her -- not even MamaKent. Contrivance! Lana hears a phone continuing to ring. She walks back and finds her phone on a table. The camera and sound react as if it's a bomb. Lana picks it up: "Hello?" On the line, Chloe says that she heard what happened. She hasn't made it to the hospital yet. Lana starts to explain, but as she turns, she's instantly photographed. Lana screams, and is followed by the evil photographer, who continues shooting, the flash making everything look strobed out. Chloe hears crashing. Lana runs as the photographer follows, on the attack. Lana runs into a room full of IV stands; the darkness makes it look very scary. Lana falls, crawling on the floor. The photographer doesn't give up. Lana raises her hands to block the flash. Someone rushes in, grabs the photographer, and throws him against a wall. The photographer falls down, knocking stuff over. Clark was the thrower, of course. But we're barely halfway through the episode. Surely this guy can't be the real villain! Security Eyebrows comes out of hiding. He's holding out his gun and wearing gloves. "What are you doing here?" he asks. "Your job," Clark tells him. The photographer groans. Eyebrows picks him up and takes him away. Clark goes to help Lana. Where's the rest of the security team? Clark asks if Lana's all right. They hear two gunshots from out in the hall. They go to see what happened. Eyebrows stands over Esposito's body: "He had a piece on him. I didn't have a choice." A piece of what? Pie? You should never shoot someone over a piece of pie. Mmmm, pie. I want pie. And I'll shoot anyone who gets in my way. Anybody want to check the body to confirm this guy's story? "It's over, Miss Lang," Eyebrows tells them. Dark, thundering sound effecs play. Eyebrows offers to take Lana home. Sure you don't want to leave her in this empty, scary, dark-ass hospital wing? Eyebrows puts a protective arm around Lana and leads her away. Lana turns and stares at Clark as she walks in slow motion. We go to commercials.

We've entered an era of dark days when Tyra Banks has to defend her weight to anybody. Dark, dark days.

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