Tru Calling
Past Tense

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Everything I need to know about screenwriting I learned in kindergarten

We montage our way back to morning. Tru wakes up in bed with a start. Lindsay rudely lets herself in and blah blah spare key blah. This time, though, Tru "remembers" that it's Lindsay's birthday. Lindsay is excited and happy, even though she says nobody else remembered. Nobody cares about Lindsay. It's a theme. And we're all part of it. They hug, which is the most exciting thing they can think of before sending us off to commercials.

Is it cancelled yet?

When we return, Tru is telling Harrison (who is, yes, skeptical) about the situation. She mentions that they didn't have wallets and their faces were covered, so she doesn't even know who they are. Searching for them is going to be difficult and she wants Harrison to help her. Harrison is resistant because he's got more important things to do, like…anyway, Harrison doesn't want to help. Then it turns out they're standing right in front of Foreplay, the stripper club from the card Tru found yestertoday. So it just happened to be on their route to the meeting in the park they had scheduled? Once Harrison discovers strippers are involved, he's in. And Foreplay is the lamest name for a strip club I've ever heard. No imagination at all. They might as well just call it Boobies.

Inside, Harrison gives dollar bills to a stripper who is actually wearing more clothes than women in the Miss America swimsuit competition. Lame. Tru, meanwhile, is trying to get a bartender to tell her where to find Turquoise. The stripper, not the semi-precious stone in all your grandmother's jewelry. The bartender says he won't give out that information to customers. Tru says she's not really a customer. He asks her if she's there to audition. Tru's all, "Do I look like a stripper?" Well, she's wearing a lacy camisole, but not the denim miniskirt she had a couple of episodes ago. Anyway, she strikes out with the bartender. But when she returns to Harrison's side, she discovers he's used his rakish charm to get the information from the vinyl-clad stripper. Turquoise's real name is Tara, and she works during the day as a telemarketer. Tru runs off, while Harrison stays behind to continue watching the most boring stripper on the face of the earth.

So Tru finds whichever telemarketing company Tara works for and asks somebody where she is. Then she strides right over to her cubicle and starts asking her if she's available for a party tonight. Tara is horrified, and her cube-mate gives her a look. Tara steps out of the cubicle and tells Tru to keep it down. Her coworkers don't know what she does at night. Given the way the telemarketing business is going, she's probably less concerned about keeping her job and more worried that all the women here will start bugging her to join her moonlighting at Foreplay. They just need to get a new gig lined up for when the federal government makes telemarketing a capital offense. Which will probably be any day now. Anyway, Tara doesn't seem all that put out about it, but just spontaneously volunteers that she's got a bachelor party scheduled tonight. She even tells Tru where the party is for no apparent reason. I love that sort of writing. It makes me feel all warm inside. Like there's acid burning through my stomach lining. Tru tries to find out who hired her, but Tara, who doesn't find this line of questioning at all strange, says a "booking agent" handles everything.

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Tru Calling

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