*("Fries" if he's thinking of her as a waitress; "rice" if she's a good Southern home cookin' gal.)

"Turns out [Bill]'s not who I was looking for," she says, and climbs all over him, while the Were sleeps peacefully and occasionally paws at imaginary rabbits. "You smell like the ocean [in/and] winter. How is that possible? Bill doesn't smell like anything." (Again: I can't say whether or not Sookie would ever say anything that dorky, but I'm sure in Eric's head she would, because Eric is dorkier than she is.) The more she says, the more freaked out and amazed by her he gets.

"You played by the North Sea as a child," she whispers, explaining that she can smell his very memories. (To be known, that's the thing Eric wants: For somebody to understand the whole of his life the way Godric used to and Pam is learning. For another love that goes that deep.) "I got skills you can't even dream of, cowboy," she says, and there is some hot kissing, and then Alcide's gone from the bed and she's climbing atop him, body insane, tissues scattered everywhere, all about how smelling memories is nothing compared to whatever.

"You want more?" Sookie says... And turns into stupid boring Yvetta the boring stripper, at whom Eric is staring half-heartedly from his throne. The more we see her face, the prettier she gets. Maybe she'll be a person one of these days. Disappointed on very many levels, he sends her boring ass away, and Pam worries about him.

While the news talks about the Vampire Rights Amendment's impending passing, Alcide's been making breakfast. He asks her about heading back to Bon Temps, since of course she's given up looking for Bill, and she's like, "Have we met? I don't just let shit go." He calls her a doormat and she says she just wants to hear it from Bill's actual mouth, which Alcide thinks is stupid. And he'd be right, if this were real life, but since we're only a third through the season, she's right by being wrong: There's more to the story. Like for example Alcide's hair, which is looking werefabulous this morning.

The filibuster continues, about how maybe he's in trouble and what have you, and Alcide calls this a need for closure, which is always lame and fake and wrong, and Sookie points out that he is being a hypocrite/pulling a Sookie his own self: "Says the man cooking breakfast in a wok because he's too sad to buy a new frying pan!" Sookie demands that he take her to Debbie and Coot's engagement party tonight -- extreme(ly) elegant I'm sure! -- and Alcide assures her that his debt is paid and he's not taking her out to any more Were functions so she can cause more huge problems with her constant crazy behavior.