"I know you're still hurting over Debbie. Seeing her with those creeps might help you get over her." Closure, again. They are peas in a pod. We can only really jerk people around when they're just like us, because we know the tricks. Alcide points out that getting their asses killed at that place is now a foregone conclusion, and invites her to go to the Were bar herself and get eaten if she's that stupid. Oh, says Sookie's face, You have no IDEA how stupid I'm prepared to get.

"Ring ring hooker ring ring!" From now on, if you're leaving me a voicemail, please try to do it Lafayette-style. He explains that, holed up at Sookie's with her suicidal ideations or not, he is now driving one bad-ass automobile courtesy Northman, meaning that now Tara has a car of her own. "That's right, Buddha done did us a 180, he did. Now, why don't you calls a motherfucker back, please? Shiiiiiit." They should do some kind of integrated marketing where Lafayette calls you up every day and says amazing things.

Tara is not available for this call because she is tied up. Literally, on the toilet, in her undies, with duct tape on her mouth. It's a pretty bad date just if they bite you. But once they start hypnotizing you and extorting info about your compatriots and tying you to the toilet and not even bothering to pull your panties down in case you need it while you're on it, I think you can safely say this relationship is not going to last. (Also, the whole vamps v. werewolves rant was, I admit, pretty hypothetical before now, thanks to the sweetness/repression of Mr. Compton, but worth remembering at this point: Last year Tara was out of control and this year control is all she's got, so far.)

Alcide's sister Janice is probably as tall as he is, with the looks of an Amazon-slash-mail order bride, but there's something really likeable about her almost immediately. If you were nervous about meeting a biker chick, she'd be the best possible option: Very lovely, hidden under a lot of trashy nonsense that stops mattering after a few minutes in her company. Needless to say, she's very happy with the looks of Sookie Stackhouse, given that Debbie Pelt is a nasty bitch and almost anyone would do: "But you are cute and sweet. You're just what he needs!"