Marnie, in Lafayette's body, ties Jesus up and makes him give her his demon-face powers, then stabs him to death (1) and heads on over to Bill's house wearing a great big muumuu. She chains Bill and Eric to a pyre and sets them on fire. They still look pretty good, though. Tara and Holly and Sookie form a new coven and raise all the dead ghosts of Bon Temps so that they can talk to Marnie about her stupid goddamn feelings some more. Gran tells Sookie to stop being everybody's girlfriend all the time, and then they take Marnie to witch heaven. Gran is still pretty much weird, if you were wondering.
Sookie takes Bill and Eric back to her place, and they drink a great deal of her blood. Woozy, she breaks up with both of them to focus on her career of being a waitress. Alcide drops by her work and says that they should just settle for each other instead of hoping for true love in a world without pity. He words it, of course, in such a way that it seems like a challenge so she turns him down. (I think that this show is about a woman losing her entire fucking mind and that the first hint is that she turned down Alcide. "Why did we think this wasn't about Sookie's deteriorating mental health," we will say, and then eventually remember that she turned down Alcide.) Anyway, she dumps him too, so now her boyfriend total is zero. This has consequences.
Pissed off about being abjured by Alcide, and also from being an erratic drug addict, Debbie drops by Sookie's house with an enormous shotgun -- dressed like something one of her old gutter slut outfits coughed up -- and blows Tara's head off (2). Then Sookie shoots Debbie in the face (3). It is amazing. On the downside, nobody comes to help Sookie with Tara's brain leaking out the back of her head, because Sookie now has no boyfriends.
Sam and Luna are still the most fascinating people alive. Sam is attacked by a werewolf for murdering Marcus last week, but probably he will turn into a rhinoceros about that.
An old Marine buddy of Terry's shows up in town and the ghost of Rene is like, "Even though I am the ghost of a serial killer, Terry's still got me worried." Andy's fairy girlfriend doesn't come back around, even when Holly permits him to hug her. I was sure Holly was going to get murdered by Fairy Girlfriend when that happened, but maybe I'm just desensitized to murder because of everybody getting murdered.
Lafayette, having lost both his cousin and his hot boyfriend to brutal murder -- and possibly with the added complication of having contracted demon face -- will most likely lose his cheerful demeanor for a while. Maybe he will turn into a lesbian for no reason. Really, though, the numbers are in and I think he should be more concerned about getting shot in the head like every other black person on an Alan Ball TV show.
Nan Flanagan comes over to Castle Compton to see if Bill & Eric want to join her uprising against the AVL and Authority, but then they murder her (4) for having figured out about Sookie being a fairy. Oh, also the AVL or Authority has put a bounty on both their heads also, but that's way less important than Sookie's secret getting out, because they are addicted to her magical fairy blood and magical fairy vagina.
Pam loses her shit about Eric being in love with Sookie, but nobody murders her. Pam remains unmurdered.
Hoyt beats the everloving shit out of Jason, which was pretty amazing, and then Jessica comes over to his house looking like sexy Little Red Riding Hood, and they have sex for about one million years. Then she heads out into the night to drink people's blood and read The Ethical Slut one more time. Then Steve Newlin shows up! Still has the hair! Still is totally wonderful! Still wants to fuck Jason! And did I mention he is now a vampire!
And somebody has dug up old Russell Edgington!
Previously, Bill shot Marnie to death so then she appeared as a ghost and has possessed Lafayette. Meanwhile, Alcide broke up with Debbie in a very dramatic way and killed her boyfriend, so now she has gone around the bend. Jason and Jessica have maybe decided to date. Everybody thinks everything is okay now, because they don't have very long memories about how terrible things are constantly happening in this town.
Jesus: "I guess you were right and we should not have joined that coven. Shit swiftly went down the shitter when we did that. But on the other hand, I made you breakfast."
Marnie: "I don't want to speak out loud because you might recognize my voice, but I also don't want you to know that I'm mad at you yet, so I will just kind of smile in a sweetly malevolent way."
Jesus: "Eat this breakfast, I'm serious. And starting to reconsider even using my magic. We can talk about this later, give me a kiss."
(You can always tell from kissing. That is a TV rule.)
Jesus: "Lafayette, is that you in your body?"
Marnie: "No, it is Marnie!"
(She stabs him with a fork. Take that, breakfast!)
Sookie: "So many people have died in this kitchen that now I see dead people everywhere. Maybe it is just Halloween."
Tara: "Good morning, Sookie! Sorry about joining that cult."
Sookie: "That's okay. Do you believe in Halloween? Or Heaven? Because I keep seeing my Gran's dead body over there in the corner. It's distressing."
Tara: "I don't believe in Heaven but I do believe that your Gran is the president of Heaven."
Sookie: "I wish she were here to tell us what to do about boyfriends and things. It's been a relatively short time, subjectively, since I lost her."
Tara: "I think she would tell us to use sunscreen and that advice is a form of nostalgia. Also, she would support my anti-vampire bias."
Sookie: "I would like to grow old in this house and not die in this episode. I would like that for both of us."
Tara: "I wish that you hadn't said that."
Maxine: "Hi, Sam. I guess since we both were surrogate parents to Tommy that makes us a family by the transitive property. Did you know he used to wear my clothes?"
Sam: "I think what's important to remember is that we loved him or something."
Maxine: "Call me Momma."
Sam: "Absolutely not."