Alcide: "Well, I broke up with Debbie in a magical werewolf way, and now she's on the loose with a giant shotgun and has always been jealous of you, so just FYI you might want to watch out for that."
Sookie: "When did this happen?"
Alcide: "It was like moments ago. But anyway, it really made me think about how you and I don't really have much of a stake in each other, beyond our constant hugging of each other, and I thought, Well, we both have terrible taste in people we actually end up with, so why not date each other because we're good on paper?"
Sookie: "That's so insulting I won't even respond to it, but I still feel nebulous affection toward you."
Alcide: "Mostly, I just want you to feel judged for your ongoing relationships with vampires, who are the only people on earth you can date because of your debilitating mental disorder."
Sookie: "I don't like feeling judged. Although I am also incredibly fickle, so who knows how this will play out. All I know is, this whole season's been about whether or not I can afford to be single or whether I need a supernatural boyfriend, and so cutting my losses is already a sign that I'm going to be endangered in the future. Anyway, always nice seeing you."
Alcide: "I have to go! They just found the remnants of somebody getting buried in concrete at one of my job sites after drinking your blood and having Godric's ghost accidentally talk Eric into burying them there, so I should see what's up with that."
Sookie: "I hope it's not the only other vampire on earth who knows that I'm a fairy! That was once a very important plotpoint that ruined my life on several occasions."
Tara: "Lafayette? Jesus? Anybody home? Oh, just you, Jesus. Tied to a chair with an enormous knife sticking out of you, dead. You know what, probably Marnie's ghost has possessed Lafayette's body and then taken your demon face out of you and headed over to Bill's house to kill Eric and Bill. I bet -- based on the total lack of evidence and the fact that I don't know about any of these things or even that they're possible -- I bet that's what happened. I better go round up Sookie and Holly and drive all over Louisiana instead of using the telephone."
Sookie: "Holly, that fairy costume scared me so bad! Sometimes I see goblins. Actually, I've been hallucinating all day. Do you think it's because of Halloween? You'd better tell me everything that you know about Halloween. Make sure it takes a really long time and you mispronounce Samhain like everybody else on the show, and pretend like Wicca wasn't invented in the late '90s."
Holly: "In order to make sure that my lecture on Halloween is succinct, I will smoke pot first."