Sam's found "J[oe] L[ee] Mickens" in the Magnolia phone book when there's a knock at the door. We sort of knew this was coming, but it was still a rush to see it happen. Everybody in the room stopped breathing when this shit started, because it is amazing. Bill has apparently tracked their blood-bond all the way to Arkansas, desperately in need of help. Or I guess a shower, since that's the first thing he asks for, breathlessly. Sam's puzzled, but more than accommodating, and Bill asks for clothes and without breaking their gaze Sam offers him the literal shirt off his back, and that's when the boners start flying.

"I'll take what I can get," says Bill lasciviously, and Sam blushes and grins, and when he takes the shirt off Bill goes, "Nice," which makes him giggle even more. This is where Sam, I think, starts to realize that he is not imagining things: This is really happening, like, it's not just the vague gayness of vampires throwing off his radar, but in fact a gayness specifically pointed at him with all the subtlety of the Fuck You Crew. Then they sort of grunt and are in each other's business for a sec, and Sam is totally into taking the shower with Bill, he's surprised to find out, and Bill is just about too sexy for a second before breaking the tension just the slightest bit with a ridiculous pun ("I hear the water in Arkansas is very... hard") and instead of cracking up, Sam just sort of melts. The phone's ringing, and Bill tells him not to answer it, and he whispers, "Okay." Kissing...

But then, goddammit, the phone wakes Sam up for real, and he's relieved to be hearing from Audrey Bishop at the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce, calling to tell him that Melinda and Joe Lee Mickens are unfortunately without a home of record, having been evicted from their last residence over three years ago. Further, even though she oughtn't, Audrey tells him that their son -- shocker for Sam in a day that seems already full of them -- works at a tire shop off the interstate, name of Tommy. As recent as two weeks ago, when Audrey herself bought some secretly used tires from him. "Remind me never to mess with the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce," Sam says, and hangs up on her to go rub one out to every pair of boobies he can think of.