True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
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Love Is The Plan The Plan Is Death (1973)

Eric hasn't noticed the V rate rising, either in his Area or his club, which the Magister finds weird because the other Sherriffs definitely have, and in fact only a vampire could be supplying this amount, or else vampires would be missing left and right. And since Eric can proudly say that no new vamps have gone missing in his Area -- since when, probably since Malcolm's nest -- he must accede. God, I love the Magister. This actor, he just kills me. How can you be that hot when you are one hundred and eighty-five actual years old? Anyway, the Queen is just incensed and hilarious and Eric's sort of gulpy and funny the whole time, and finally the Magister is at least satisfied enough to pretend to be satisfied.

I'm still curious as to what this whole scheme is about, although if it's the Queen herself, I wonder if it means she's trying to raise and bond with an army of human addicts? Because we do know that her particular Thing is mental communication with her vampire children, right? So maybe her blood-bond would be more active as well? I realize that's taking a lot on faith and basically assembling the idea from not too much info, but there's a lot we still don't know about how this shit works, and it seems like the kind of thing that would get her off. I'm not talking a Maryann-level possession, just a way of being in contact with the richest and most desperate people in the Queendom -- Remember Pussylover, in Texas? -- and being able to affect their moods and maybe decisions. That sounds useful, right?

Arlene is pregnant. She knows this because she is able to identify the half-teaspoon of cinnamon in the fifteen-quart batch of chili Lafayette is cooking up. Also, Lafayette reminds her, she has taken off her rings: "Fuck my rings," she says without much force behind it, and runs off to sulk. He stares after her hilariously for a moment, and shakes his head. I've been so busy hating her I forgot how adorable she can be.

Meanwhile, Hoyt joins Jason at a table with two ugly girls. Where's he been? "Cryin'..." he admits, and Jason laughs nervously and asks him to shut up and meet their new friends, Missy and Jen. They are NYU grads, moving to CA to start vet school, and meanwhile Hoyt has just moved out of his momma's house. They say he's cute, like a big puppy, which of course is what he is, and Jason wants to wingman it up, and Hoyt just wants to leave. The girls explain that they will be focusing on canine psychology, which seems possibly funny or interesting but just leads to some funny/lazy Jason cuteness one-liners.

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True Blood

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