True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
Love Is The Plan The Plan Is Death (1973)

Like how dogs and people's feelings are the same, but dogs are harder to figure out "because they don't talk!" Jason works their shit so well, it's amazing; even sad Hoyt has to hide a grin at some of the hilarity he's pulling. And how if Hoyt were a real puppy, he couldn't explain why he was crying, but Jason interrupts about the crying to ask what sort of dog he is, he's a Lab, and what's he thinking, he's thinking let's go to his house and all fuck each other, and Hoyt is just about dying, but then it's time to go: "Hoyt, if you and me are gonna be roommates, there's a certain amount of pussy overflow you just have to get used to dealing with." He drags Hoyt out of there, and from a short distance away Andy goes, "Attaboy, Stackhouse." Which is again so brilliant because it's not just the performance but the performance of the performance: He now loves to see Jason getting pussy, on multiple levels, instead of hating it on just the one. You know?

The Queen continues to act like she's in a stage '50s play about feminine deportment, all clipped vowels and strange pauses, because she's desperately trying to keep it together. She asks about the vamp perp, how he'll be punished, and Eric makes a straight-faced run at the idea that it's a woman vampire, which earns him a not-entirely-unamused glance, and the whole thing is hilarious, because you've got Eric who is out of control for the first time we've seen, and the Queen who is ready to go crazy any old time, and they're both acting like butlers. They agree with the Magister that this "moral anarchy" cannot be allowed, and there's a sort of "hurrah!" moment with the three of them oathing to get the dirty rat. It's all very funny and sort of complicated due to the levels and levels of lying and not-quite-perjury going on here, but the tone is a little tough to nail at first because you still don't really get what the Queen's all about, and I'm starting to think we never will. (Or at least not until she meets Sookie, which is when most people start to become interesting, and/or people, and/or interesting people.)

Also, at the risk of complicating the vampire hierarchy even more, I would like to know what the point of the Magister is, besides being awesome. He's like the attorney general, I think: Not above the royals, but they are still subject to his judgment. When you think vampire you don't really think checks and balances, but once you starting thinking about that, you realize it's gotta be checks and balances all over the fucking place, which is why the Magister being all "moral anarchy" and "blasphemy" is actually a really good idea. Because moral anarchy and blasphemy are sort of the point, as the Queen is about to suggest, and because vampire society is basically like turbo-Leviathan at all times: Solitary, rich, nasty, brutish, and super-sexy.

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True Blood




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