True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Love Is The Plan The Plan Is Death (1973)

I mean, the deal you make with this show is that it's mostly awesome fun people -- or Tara -- and then there's Bill & Sookie constantly running around in nightgowns and taking baths together with cello music and acting super queer. It's lovable because of how dorky they both are and how into each other they are and how it makes them act completely stupid at all times. But with them being separate, yes, they're still only thinking about each other, but it also means Sookie has just had it and wants to yell at everybody and call them racist, which is awesome, and Bill's running around with his shirt off taking werewolves the fuck out and having dream sex with Sam Merlotte and all. They're still them, but their weaknesses are sort of strengths, speaking as a viewer, when they're apart. Watching Bill be a considerate southern gentleman is a lot more fun when he's doing it to somebody else. Watching Sookie be irrepressible and headstrong is a lot less horrible when it's not with Bill, because you don't get the feeling she's just doing it so he'll spank her: You get the feeling she's doing it because she's sort of a bitch, which is awesome. You know what I mean at all?

Sookie's on the phone with Isabel, who is the second person I would call after Eric, when Pam shows up looking a million in a cute red twinset. Invited in for the first time, she offers a unique perspective: "Now, why'd you have to go and kill that maenad? She's a terrific decorator." I couldn't agree more, because I love the ivy-covered dinginess of the house which is why I forgot to mention it until now: She just died like two nights ago and Sookie's been running around the entire state and thus has not cleaned it out yet. Pam hands her a check for a good deal more than the agreed-upon ten grand -- "for going above and beyond" -- but Sookie is still in no mood for vampire weirdness. All of a sudden, a big hit of vampire weirdness as Pam goes all rigor-mortisy for a second: Eric's calling her to him, with a shiver and a shake. And if Eric can do that, then Bill probably called his daughter -- and she might not even know it.

Terry finds Arlene flipping out in Sam's office, and asks if she wants to go out after work, as discussed. She wriggles weirdly for a second and then shoots past him into the restaurant: "I don't know Terry I have to focus on my kids!" she screams hysterically, and Terry just shakes his head. "Peculiar."

Next on Pam's rounds: Telling Lafayette about the half-off sale, and dropping off a prodigious amount of vials. Lafayette's not convinced, because of the high-priced cache, that this will work. "Hooker, look: I can't sell all this shit by tomorrow. I got a cousin in trouble..." Pam zooms across the room, shoving him over a cart. "I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long time, long time ago." Terrified, he shivers. "Yeah? You picking up what I'm putting dooooown?" Oh, he is. And Pam, she'll be back tomorrow night for the cash.

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True Blood

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