True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Love Is The Plan The Plan Is Death (1973)

As Bill sexily makes his shirtless way over a ridge toward a quiet country house, Jessica's once again indicating that Sookie might do the courtesy of calling before she shows up in her house, but you know Sookie doesn't roll like that. "Has Bill called you?" Again, no, but she doesn't mean it that way. Sookie shares her story of Pam's wiggling a minute ago, and Jessica's like, Shivering? Yes. I had that thing. "It came over me like a wave, and it made me feel sick too, just like that time I drank kahlĂșa." Sookie tells her this is not about her underaged drinking but in fact about Bill Bill Bill Bill. Upon reflection, Jessica realizes there was a location involved in the call, and Sookie adorably drags her out to the car to go find it, after noting the smell of Jessica's dead fella, with whom once again Jessica isn't going to have time to deal tonight.

Bill shows up at a strange house badly in need of assistance, but instead of half-naked perfect-looking Sam, it's some old lady he's begging. She thinks he's her son Stanley, and offers to make him a sandwich because -- as he agrees -- he must be starving. He's had a hell of a couple days, I'll give him that. He asks to use the phone, and she's barely explained that she chose her crochet-covered O2 tank over a phone line before he's on her.

Lettie Mae tries to hump poor Reverend Daniels on his way out of Lafayette's house, but luckily he gets away and heads for the door. Crazy awkward, that little moment. The second Tara's thanked him for coming over and droning on, she's asking to take a shower while Momma's distracted. Needless to say, she should not be alone, but Lettie Mae's convinced Jesus has once again done the trick: "Of course, baby. Wash it all away." Finally alone, Tara turns on the shower and sits down to think long and hard about killing herself rather than going back out there to her untenable life. It doesn't seem particularly untenable or unrealistic, if you think about it. There is not a lot of good shit going on for her right now, which is a lot to say by comparison to how shitty her life just naturally is.

Sam follows Tommy home that night, checking the mailbox once he's safely in the house and confirming they are, in fact, the Mickens family. Get on out of there, Sam. Nothing good ever happens in Arkansas.

Jason is having a very unsatisfying blowjob from one of the girls, but can't really concentrate because of the giant bullet hole he keeps hallucinating in her forehead. He takes off his shirt and tries to rally. "Let's just power through this." He offers to start on her, but after a second her friend shows up. "Hoyt's so hung up on his ex he won't even watch me play with myself." The girls giggle -- "I can't believe I'm doing this again!" -- but once again there is a blowjob problem. The two of them discuss it, hilariously, like roommates trying to figure out what's wrong with the dishwasher -- "This is what I've been dealing with for the last half-hour" -- and Jason offers to just watch them do each other. Because they have no respect for themselves, they give it a try, and finally he just comes clean: "It's not you, it's just... Every time I look at you, I keep seeing these big old bullet holes in your heads." Worst. Threesome. Ever.

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True Blood

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