Take Bill: One of the most promising young vamps in the US, and she sends him to Bon Temps. Bill gets verrrry nervous about that characterization of his mission, and assures Russell that it wasn't an edict: "Bon Temps... Was my home before I was made. After the Great Revelation, I chose to go there to mainstream." Russell's not buying. "She'd allow you to move to a tiny town in the middle of a swamp? And date a waitress? I know you're still working for her, and I know she has secrets, and I wanna know what they are. In return, I'll make you Sheriff of Area II."

Bill, and this is an oh snap triumph for Bill Compton, suggests that Russell's got werewolves collecting his intelligence, too. He's not the droids you're looking for, he doesn't know the Queen's secrets, and additionally, fuck being the Anything of Area II. Russell, sensing real stubbornness, subtly threatens Sookie. Bad move! Out come old Bill's pearly white choppers, and Russell tells him to put those fuckers away, with a totally scary game-face snarl of his own, and Bill nearly whines when he finally snaps his back in.

Lafayette has dragged Tara to Merlotte's, even though she's not working tonight, so that he can keep an eye on her. Meanwhile, Terry's giving the continuously vomiting Arlene a list of Ten Reasons Why You Can Trust Me With Your Kids, having decided that she's feeling the pressure of single motherhood and doesn't want to add his shellshocked crazy on top of it.

"Number One: I'm a nurturer. I found a baby armadillo by the side of the road and I nursed it. Now it sleeps under my bed, and its name is Felix. Number Two: I have a diploma from anger management, where I learned talking about your feelings is the manly thing to do. Number Three?" She heads back into the bathroom to vomit some more, but he stations himself right outside. "Number Three: I never killed nothing by accident. Number Four..."

I do wish we'd gotten to hear the rest. That is some classic shit. I wish Terry loved somebody more deserving, or something. Tara could use a Terry, for example.