True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Rough Music

Those two townie ladies that sometimes play the chorus start talking about the town's explanation for all of it -- a muddled mishmash of conspiracy theories ranging from aliens and racism ("Maryann Forrester" rhymes with "Martian Foreigner") to gas leaks somehow both the pharmaceutical companies and the liberal media to LSD in the water, like in San Francisco -- ultimately deciding that Mountain Dew is the only thing that will protect you from Obama's fascism, and Sam's like, "Actually, the ATF shut down this distillery for shipping pure ethanol instead of vodka, so clearly Mountain Dew is the smart choice." They are amazed, he's pleased with himself; somebody finally notices his amazing ass. "God bless who made those jeans. I'm serious, I'll wear him like a scrunchie." They giggle. They're family now.

Tara pours Lafayette a drink while he shivers over how stupid everybody in town is, and then tells Sookie feels worst for her: "You know what really happened, and you've got to carry the burden of that. I mean, I'm thrilled I got a choice, and I don't ever wanna know." I like that line, I like that Sookie and Bill asked at least the inner circle if they wanted to know, and I like that Lafayette would pick the blue pill. He's like the only person in history that I can approve of, doing that. "Don't tell me nothing, even if I beg for it. I don't think it's healthy to know everything you've done. It's like knowing what's in sausage, just eat it. Shit, enjoy it."

Which reminds Sookie of the jambalaya Jane Bodenhouse ordered, so we head over to her table, where she's telling two guys -- who have probably had sex in a truck with her and will probably do so again in a few hours -- that her defingering must have been "so traumatic" that she blacked it out. Perhaps a gator, she says. "But the doctor who sewed it back on says I have wonderful bone structure, so hopefully it'll take. Luckily, I use my right hand for most things..." Andy interrupts this troubling train of thought by shouting (sober, but still nuts) that it wasn't a gator and she wasn't by the lake. "I saw you pull that finger out of a giant statue of meat. Just like I saw you getting it from behind from Mike Spencer."

Jason gasps, but Jane just laughs and leads her table in a chorus of "Whatever Andy's drinking, give us some." Jason nervously pretends to laugh along as Andy pouts, "It's Diet Coke with lime!" Jason toasts them, and tries to calm Andy down. "Great. Used to be they all thought I was crazy. Now they know I'm tellin' the truth, and they can't face it. Zombie-eyed freaks!" Jason tells him -- calling him "Bubba," which if it means what I think it means makes me very excited for Andy's future on this show, because I was never all that interested in Bubba in the books but he does get to do cool shit sometimes -- to let it go.

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True Blood

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