Jason: "Look. I watched out for him when he was small..."
Jessica: "Yeah, yeah..."
Jason: "...And when he grew ten inches in a year he had to walk with a cane..."
Jessica: "He can walk now. On his own. You are so Maxine right now! Let me tell you a little something about infantilization. Did you know my sister's name is Eden? Actually, back up. Do you know what a hymen is?"
Jason: "Right, but I'm saying this could actually break him. He could maybe die."
Jessica: "It's not like I was actively interested in hurting him either."
Jason: "Maybe there is a reason... Oh, I drank your blood! That would do it."
Jessica: "Now who's being an infant? Bullshit. We wanted to fuck, we fucked. There can be ornaments you hang on that tree, but they'll never be the whole thing."
Jason: "True, I'd like very much to bone you at all times, but not as much as I love my Bubba."
Jessica: "So then why is this my problem? I'm not asking you to Prom."
Jason: "I cannot look him in the eye. Will you please glamour me to erase it?"
Jessica: "I... Wow. You don't see how insulting that is? What just happened between us is so disgusting to you that you want it out of your head. Eternal Sunshine Of The Zipless Fuck. I'm still a girl with feelings, Stackhouse."
Jason: "But I feel guilty! About my actions! Like usual!"
Jessica: "If I have learned anything this season, it's that using glamour to get out of your own Hoyt-related guilt results in ten times the amount of horrible, because you end up having the fight anyway. And I'm certainly not going to insult my gifts further by doing it for your guilt, which is -- and again I stress this -- totally inappropriate as far as I am concerned. Work this shit out on your own time, I'm gonna go eat witches."
Swiftly Perishing Tommy: "A hospital cannot help me this time! I am dying from the inside out because of skinwalking! You must take me home -- to die!"
Ever-Useful Alcide: "Which would be where?"
Blood-Barfing Tommy: "Ugh, I hate to say this, but obviously Merlotte's."
The witches spend about a million years trying to get bars on their phones and being their usual amount of moronic.
Cute Young One: "Magic is not stronger than technology!"
Tara: "Holly, these people are idiots and this witch store is lame as shit. Let's not die here. I fuckin' refuse."
Holly: "Tara, I am working on it."
Tara: "I am kind of in the weeds about magic because I've only been involved with pagan gods on like several occasions, and did a ton of research for Marnie way back when, but now I would like some more information."
Holly: "It's just power, and Marnie's just a witch. We can fix this."
Tara: "Marntonia is very pissed off and ancient though, like most things."
Holly: "We are also very pissed off ladies. Am I right? So let's do magic with that. Anger is an energy."
Tara: "Yeah, that's my personality in a nutshell."