Chest still covered in Nora's blood, Eric decides it's time to have a nice big hilarious drama with Bill about religion and whatever, gets tossed around the house with telekinesis, and eventually takes off to go find Warlow himself, with the plan to keep Bill from saving his own progeny however he can.
Bill's plan, in turn, is to take Warlow down into Vamp Camp and get everybody enough of his blood so they can meet the sun with impunity. Since this is the opposite of Warlow's plan (making vampires extinct), he needs convincing, and eventually lays down an ultimatum: Sookie becomes his immortal faerie-vampire bride, as discussed, and he'll help save the vampires of Bon Temps.
Sookie spends the episode wandering from storyline to storyline, fucking everybody's shit up in her usual way.
She has some great fights with Bill once she realizes he doesn't actually give even a tiny fuck about her mortality, her happiness or her life, then heads to Merlotte's to interrupt Sam's life with a sudden romantic overture that he must turn down since he has just figured out that Nicole's pregnant due to his shapeshifter smelling power.
Quick stop by her parents' graves to tell them at length and with a monologue of outsize craziness that they can go fuck a duck, and then it's time to die. By the time she teleports Bill into UFO Heaven, though, Eric's already found -- and possibly killed? -- good ol' Ben, thanks to a quick (nonlethal) snack on poor little Adeline.
Oh, also Alcide has left the Pack after Raccoona challenged him, so now he's buds with Sam and maybe the new Terry at Merlotte's if he plays his cards right. That whole fight was pretty cool because of the Girl Power of Raccoona, threesome girl, and this new chick with bangs that are truly outrageous. I hope we never, ever see any of them again.
You know who is worse than Raccoona and even worse than you could ever have imagined? Violet is. I have spent the last week trying to imagine how awful and stupid she was going to be, and she boned me on it at every turn. The reality is so much worse.
Arlene is recovering from the initial shock of Terry's death, but the news about his life insurance policy and its suicidal implications primes her for a big freakout once the Bellefleur ladies try to commandeer his funeral. This part was pretty interesting, and cute most of all because of the pressure it puts on Andy. Still, there's just never enough Portia.
While Sookie's insane review of her entire romantic history and eventual "fuck it" response to living a normal human life is a highlight, you have to give it to Vamp Camp this week. In another demonstration of that sexy compassion that is his only trait, James warns a slavering Steve Newlin not to drink the tainted TruBlood, which Sarah instantly beats out of him, which is how the whole Sun Room thing starts: First James and Steve, and then -- once Violet and Pam get into a vocal fight about whether or not Jason Stackhouse is community property -- everybody else we know.
But outside in the factory proper, that Suzuki lady is on the warpath, and threatens Sarah's chokehold on the corporate narrative and everything, so Sarah is forced to chase her through the entire complex in heels, gamely try to snap her neck, and eventually smash her face in with a stiletto before giving thanks to Jesus for the power to do all of these amazing things she is constantly doing. (A moment of reflection in which she realizes possibly she is going crazier than anyone has ever gone aside.)
All in all, a lot of weird speeches and tonally bizarre moments, but nothing like last week and nothing too off-the-beam for this show. It was nice to see Sookie once again pull herself together into a quiet angry bomb, this time willing to give up her chance at death just to spite her parents -- and save her buds -- but even more satisfying to see her finally come to grips with the truth about her relationships, both with Sam and with Bill. In both conversations there's a moment where the horribleness -- of her, of them, of the situation, of life -- washes over her face and she just gets more and more Fuck It until all that is left is Fuck It.
Next Week: Daywalking Eric mounts a one-man assault on the factory, Sookie deals with Ben's injuries, and Bill proves once again that he is a negligent mommy at best.
Eric escaped Vamp Camp with Nora, who eventually failed despite Bill's hard-going efforts of standing around talking about how awesome he is. Back inside, Pam and Willa told Jessica about the Hep V tainting, and Jessica told James about it, and then they did it. Sarah snapped back from her boyfriend's death by taking over the LAVTF in his name. Sam was brought back to Bon Temps for stupid Sam reasons, and got Nicole and her random mother kidnapped by Raccoona, while Arlene slowly worked her way through the fact of Terry's death (but she's still in the dark about the actual Bulworthian facts). Sookie is, I think, still boning Warlow in Heaven.
Eric and Bill have a big fight that is pretty hard to watch. Not because it's so sad, but because it is awkward beyond belief.
Eric: "Bill, as a loving Goddess, I must ask You. Why do bad things happen to incredibly annoying people, such as my horrible dead sister?"
Bill: "Ah am not God. Ah am only a buttcrack that used to be a man. Try not to turn on to problems that upset you, Mah vampyr brother. We have a war to throw."
Eric: "Gonna need a minute, dick."
Bill: "Ah did all Ah could for her. It is not Mah fault that Sookie is being a bitch about Mah son Warlow."
Eric: "So this is about not pissing Sookie off? You are SUCH a PEEN."
Bill: "A peen Ah may well be, Mr. Northman, but a peen without a Warlow. And soon Ah shall be a Goddess without a people, unless you shift your ass."
New plan: Go get Warlow again, but actually do it this time, and feed him to all the characters on the show, and that way when they burst into flames they ... won't burst into flames? I think. Bill's making less and less sense as time goes on.
Eric: "I've got time to fuck with you, bro. Hey, remember when Sookie staked you to save me? A very historical moment."
Bill: "Experience a moment on the ceiling, Moff Tarkin. Ah have no time for yore nonsense."
Eric: "Making people float around is stupid. You're stupid."
Bill: "How dare you call Me stupid!?"
Eric: "Literally everything. Suck my vampire dick!"
Bill: "Ah know that you are merely grieving and do not mean it."
But then Bill doubles down on Eric's classlessness, talking shit about Godric. First of all, don't fuckin' do that. Second of all, the last time Eric saw Godric (ghost, angel, actual or drug hallucination) Lilith pre-Billith was eating the shit out of him. So it's even tackier, because Bill is like, "Joke around about my girlfriend? Fine, remember the time I murdered the soul of your dad that you were in love with?"