True Blood
Dead Meat

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 118 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Rubble, Or Our Sins

ANNA CAMP CAMP

Morris: "Mrs. Newlin, we have a problem of vampires refusing to drink bio-weapons."
Sarah: "Where did this start? Is Steve one of them? Because I can work his shit."

She puts him on a hamster wheel and keeps threatening him with UV flashes that never come and eventually he cries and -- although James is "his friend" -- eventually comes clean, as you knew he would. Sarah emasculates and makes fun of him several different ways, and then takes off to go step up her horrors.

As ABCD decides that, until their parents get married, Holly's sons are not her brothers, and therefore she can go running off with them and get drunk -- that'll show those motherfuckers for not giving her coffee like a grownup -- they toss Steve and James into the Sunroom, and James immediately is like, "Dang me for only having one personality trait. I knew being super nice would end up not being very nice. However, it is nice to see you" and Steve just screams into the one-way glass like a little bitch, and Sarah gets to be smug about everything as usual, because she is kind of the Bill of this place.

MERLOTTE'S

Because she is pregnant and because he cannot motherfucking help himself, Sam decides to cock block Nicole from getting the fuck out of his storyline, yet again. He can't tell her she's pregnant in front of her mom, so it's a bunch of ooey-gooey love nonsense from which they're thankfully saved by Sookie showing up, with her own particular brand of bullshit.

Sookie: "So that's your girlfriend? She seems like a child, and also your old girlfriend died two days ago."
Sam: "My story is dictated by plot, generally, over character. What are you here for, some kind of vampire faerie drama probably."
Sookie: "Kind of. I was wondering if you'd help me make a decision. I can be a nuclear bomb and become human by killing either God or Jesus -- which would also make vampires stop being all about me at all times -- or I can double down and be a faerie vampire, which is the opposite but would keep all vampires alive. Which would you prefer?"
Sam: "Nicole is pregnant. Also, my storyline was supposed to be and somehow never became about me changing my mind about that whole wanting-to-be-normal thing."
Sookie: "I'm telling you I am willing to settle for you!"
Sam: "Yeah, and your timing is shitty as usual!"

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True Blood

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