The song goes techno as Bill and Sookie join the line up to the door. There are gothtards, vampdorks, a hot pair of mixed-sex vamps a go-go. You know they're vamps because they dance so zoomy. It's like... That moment in college where you start wondering if everybody's maybe bisexual and what the world would look like if that were true, with a lot of black leather and makeup. It's sad like a goth club, and dorky like '80s Night, and scary like swingers are scary and desperate. What is it about bisexuality that it goes hand in hand with dog collars so often?

Bouncer Pam... Oh, Pam. I don't know how else to describe her beyond the whole Kylie + Botox thing, right now, but it's pretty intense. She's in a much crazier costume than anybody else, like a dominatrix with five cats at home. She snarkily congratulates Bill on his "mainstreaming" and gestures toward Sookie: "Who's the doll?" Sookie holds out her hand as Bill introduces them, but this earns a quick head-shake from Bill: This is his world; he knows she's not sure of the rules. No touching. Pam asks to see her ID, and Sookie remarks on how funny it is to be carded in a club for immortals. "I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful, we serve no minors... In any capacity." Yikes. She hands it back and congratulates Sookie on being twenty-five -- "how sweet it is!" -- and all this under Bill's watchful eye. I think he likes her. Pretty sure I do too.

Bill escorts Sookie into the club; behind the zoomy dancers there's a sign on the wall ordering NO BITING ON PREMISES. There's a merch table selling Fangtasia t-shirts and crap. They should call it Fangtasia! with that thrilling hint of excitement at the end. Sookie pronounces it a Disneyland version of what she was imagining; that's exactly what it is. Fangbait. "Don't get too comfortable. It tends to get more authentic as the night wears on." And who's that trip-trapping away in five tons of makeup, a dog collar, and a look of absolute fear? Creepy little Neil Jones from Kentucky, the new Coroner's Apprentice. So many jokes, of both "Mickey Mouse/broomsticks" and "leave your job at work" varieties, but one look at his face as he scuttles off is really enough.

Forty thousand men and women everyday redefine happiness... The curtains flew then he appeared/ Saying don't be afraid/ Come on baby/ And she had no fear/ And she ran to him/ Then she started to fly/ They looked backward and said goodbye/ She had become like they are..."