True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
Sex On Fire

Later, after they've chatted with Adele and she's changed into an honestly ravishing dress that -- working on the "short skirts = tips" method she's perfected -- seems designed to show off as much hot artery action as possible. Also a large amount of boobs. She looks amazing. Finally she asks quiet Bill what he's thinking, and he reminds her that their whole literally undying love affair of creepiness and mutual culture clash is based on her loving the silence. "...You won't care for it," he adds, and finally admits she looks "like vampire bait." She laughs at him, but as usual he is All Business. "I promised your grandmother no harm would come to you at Fangtasia tonight. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to keep that promise with you dressed like this." Sookie's amazing here, blending her usual blunt sweetness with his continuing education: "So are you saying you think I look nice?" He's charmed, but for once ahead of the curve: "Doesn't matter what I think. This isn't a date, remember?" Smarty-pants Bill? Totally hot. Sookie's all OMG about it, even.

Tara bitches to herself, taking produce back into the freezer, and is startled by a strangled scream from Jason, telling her not to look at him. Look at what? Picture this: Jason Stackhouse on the floor of a meat locker, pants and undies down around his ankles, with a raw steak on his junk. At first I thought he was... It would be indelicate to say, although I guess that too would bring the swelling down. Tara's like, "The fuck?" and Jason's ashamed explanation is that he may have OD'd. Tara completely flips into her other personality and is like, "OMG what will we do, what was it, what did you put in your mouth" and he admits it was his first time with V... And in seconds has revealed his source: Lafayette. "My cousin is dealing vampire blood now? Goddamn idiot. Least that explains why I walked in on you dancing around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday. Because I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some fucked up shit." He laughs and groans, but like, we knew the reason and it was still fucked up.

"All right, let me see it. How long have you had the erection?" Jason's flabbergasted that she's seen through his meat disguise, but she's like, um, "I read? You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism... Now lift the ribeye, and let me see what we're dealing with." Tara jumps back a few feet but contains the squeal within. It's bad. "Sweetie, we gotta get you to a hospital now." He protests, out of fear and shame, but she tells him in no uncertain terms that it's a matter of life and dick. "Don't Fear The Reaper" plays us into the next scene, as though to comfort Jason's little friend on its new adventure.

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True Blood




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