True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Sex On Fire

Alexander SkarsgÄrd, you beautiful bastard, everything about you is so perfect at all times and then, randomly: Kermit the Frog. And you know, it's not random, it's actually very specific: It's whenever he's putting on a voice on top of his voice, so he's having to speak his 99.99% impeccable English, in a specific accent, and then do a third or fourth accent on top of that, it all falls apart and he talks like Kermit. Only a Swedish person could manage to combine "Big Gay Al" and "Kermit The Frog" into the same voice. So if you know that about him (and he really is just about the best actor, in addition to being physically perfect) then you know what's going on: he's acting. In this scene, I mean, Eric Northman is acting. He's being something he's not. And I think what he's doing is trying to make Sookie comfortable, or condescend to her in some way he thinks is noblesse oblige, which is in itself telling.

"If you have anything to ask, you should ask it of me," he says, shaking again. Sookie shows him the pictures, and he smiles. "Well, this one offered herself to me. But I found her too pathetic for my attentions." Sookie nods, like, I got it, you're the king of the world. "Now this one, however... I have tasted." Pam remembers them both. "On account of the vault?" For that one, Bill squeezes her hand twice as hard; Eric's not exactly impressed either. Pam's kind of over all that, though, and just keeps going: "Never had either of them, though. They weren't really my type..." I think Pam acting like she's going to get full-on lesbian in your face all the time is her way of busting your chops, that's what I think. Sookie thanks them, and Kermit gives a giant, terrifying, shaky grin. It's like he's gritting his teeth to keep from dancing.

"-- I'm not finished with you yet. Please... Sit." Bill nods, and Kermit tells him to sit down too. "Are you quite attached to your friend?" Bill and Sookie agree that she's "Mine," and for once Sookie doesn't rankle. I think I'd want Eric fully aware of that. I wonder how much of this conversation -- the voices, the shaking, the staring -- is a glamour never touching down. "What a pity," Eric says with a total fangbait look at her veins and stuff, "...For me." Sookie isn't unflattered, but as usual with vampires being all sexy at her, she's still about three bus stops behind. It's hard to get over the cold dead bodies that drink blood part. Unless, I guess, you're anybody else in the whole club.

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True Blood

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