Sookie: "Hoyt? Why are we in pigs?"
Hoyt: "Very high on ginger ale oxy."
Jason: "Connections, connections. Both our Obamas* got dumb-ass white-trash names starting with J, played football for BT High... Sheriff Dearborne arrested both of them..."
Kevin: "Irony, girl! Anyway, Joe Bob was one of the people that blew the nest of ridiculous vampires in Season One, and Bud just let him go. And then Junior, public drunkenness."
Kenya: "I fucking hate everything about this town."
Jason: "I have to solve this crime! I turned Bubba into a bisexual fangbanger, and thence an Obama*. Everything is about me. Me! And my penis!"
Andy: "I've been saying that for five seasons now. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible Sherriff."
Sam & Luna are flies. These insecurities are lain open for them.
Andy, verbatim: "Now, Joe Bob's a son of a bitch, but it is my job to protect son of a bitches, too. And vampers, and shifters, werechickens and whatever the fuck else is out there. Even that fairy woman I totally swore to protect last season, that we forgot about entirely."
Kevin: "Hey, see on this video how the one Obama* is wearing the same squaredancin' boots that we bought Bud Dearborn when he retired? Maybe that's a clue."
Bud: "Sorry about knocking you out and giving you to pigs, but you can read minds."
Sookie: "That part makes sense, but I still don't know what the hell is going on."
Bud: "Oh, we're a lynch mob. I'm sorry, I forgot that you don't ever pay attention to anything that doesn't concern you."
Sookie: "Okay. But like, Sam Merlotte is great, right?"
Sweetie appears: "Sam Merlotte is buying up property all over town so he can turn it into a shifter paradise! First the bars, then the apartment buildings, and before you know it, churches and schools. Then he can convert all the innocent children to his perverted shifter ways. Mosques and community centers of evil! World War IV ain't gonna be fought over land or oil in no foreign country, it's gonna be fought right here! For our humanity!"
Sookie: "Luckily, I'm fluent in crazy. But I do wonder who the fuck you are."
Sweetie: "I am of no consequence. But here's a Lynchian sort of John Waters flashback about how my husband left me for a raccoon-based shifter at a square-dance, where my blue eye shadow ran down my fat face and it was super weird and mean-funny."
Sookie: "What an interesting person you are. Just kidding."
Obamas*: "Anyway we're big racists or something and we're going to feed you to the pigs."