True Blood
True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 395 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Uncle Ruckus Gets A Puppy

They feed her to the pigs. Pigs eat Hoyt also. One of the pigs is Sam! Naked Sam saves Sookie from the pigs, and then I guess skinwalks into the form of a naked ninja, because he takes out all the good old boy Obamas* single-handedly. Not as a Tyrannosaurus Rex or a gorilla, you understand, just as regular Sam. You know, Sam Merlotte? Who is shorter than Anna Paquin and weighs less than Puppy Emma? He goes CGI Yoda on their shit. And then Jason and Andy come in and shoot everybody else, and but Hoyt's face is still pig-eaten and his heartbeat is thready. Sweetie escapes, but Luna chases her down in the form of a dog or something and punches her face in a few times, but eventually they put her in a cop car too. It's all very satisfying.

MERLOTTE'S

Terry: "Patrick, is that my wife you're holding hostage?"
Arlene: "Kill him, Terry! Shoot him in the head!"
Patrick: "Lady, I have a gun to your temple. Could you at least explore the concept of not being completely obnoxious at all times?"
Arlene: "Nope!"

Terry offers to fight him in hand-to-hand combat, but Patrick whines about how Terry is better than him in every single way and that's what makes this difficult, or some such nonsense. How about you're both fucking murderers? Why does the show think this is complicated? It's not complicated, you're both awful and you deserve to die at the hands of a smoke monster. There's no trade here. And in fact, if you really weigh it out, it's still more Terry's bad than Patrick's. Anyway, Patrick gets him on his knees, execution style, and Arlene just shrieks and shrieks and shrieks.

True Blood

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