(This week I'm going to go with: Jesus is a shifter like Sam, but the difference is that he has an actual cultural/religious reference for it and so all of his mesoamericana will end up being part of that: A shifter-witch, in the parlance of the show, and thus a nagual. Because Lafayette is a Guide character, it would make sense that he needs to be initiated into the next level up where all of this magical shit has a spiritual component, and because the irony/comparison is just too beautiful and too gorgeously Alan Ball: Sam's poor white family is disconnected and spiritually bereft and animalistic, while ethnic world-traveling Jesus has been initiated -- by his solely matriarchal upbringing, note -- into the true centered beauty of shifterism, etc. Add that to whatever magical secrets Lafayette and his (solely matriarchal) family are brewing up this season and you've got a situation where Lafayette can actually be initiated into magic without it going all fucked up -- with Miss Jeanette and Maryann as false prophets for this narrative -- and he can resume his rightful place as the holy transvestite prostitute, where he started out.)

Jason's coming back from putting himself on Calvin's freaky radar to shouting inside. Felton is not buying Crystal's story that Jason abducted her -- "Why ain't he got you chained up or something?" (YIKES) -- but of course Jason's not picking up on that subtext so he just runs in yelling and being confused by all of Felton's abduction-related screaming. Is he a cop? Kinda/not really. Crystal is just shooting lies in every direction like that wobbly guy you put on your lawn. Jason's confused by the kidnapping allegations, of course, and Felton's being sort of central casting about the whole deal -- "You know I hate it when you make me hit you!" -- and Jason's got the gun, and Crystal helpfully tells Felton that Jason raped her, for some unknown reason except to distract him long enough that Jason can knock him out. Sometimes it's okay to just accidentally shoot home intruders in the face, Jason. Talk to your sister.

Jason asks her not to make him a rapist in her lies and Crystal is like, "Are you retarded that you don't understand why rape is the first thing that occurred to me?" And since he is, they get back to tying him up. (He's got some of Lala's V in his pocket, so I guess Hotshot is at least attempting to move product.) Handcuffs won't work, because Felton is magical in some way that the dialogue once again goes out of its way to avoid explaining -- but then again, Crystal is not going to just blab anything to Jason because he will of course be disgusted etc -- so they tie Felton up with rope instead. Better to just kill him, he is a hitter of ladies and a magical monster, but Crystal is a mass of contradictions after all.