Maxine and Summer's fangbanger intervention for Hoyt finds him heading to work and obstructed by like this Teabagger rally of two with folding chairs and purses and the high school's guidance counselor. The hate on Hoyt's face whenever his mom is around is really wild. So they do the whole intervention thing, reading letters like so:

"Dear Hoyt. I have known you ever since you were on Safety Patrol and helped me across the street every day. You always smiled and said Hey to me. I have watched that kind, caring boy grow into a fine, outstanding, great man. But now, instead of choosing life, you want to go back to a vampire who just wants to drink your blood, and it just breaks my heart."

Summer's amazing. Meanwhile, Maxine's letter is just bullshit as usual -- "You are my first- and only-born and if you think I am going to sit back and watch you throw your life away on a redheaded dead girl you are sorely mistaken. There will be consequences" -- to which Hoyt responds that Maxine has nothing on him: She can't throw him out, he already left. Can't disinherit him, she has nothing. She's reduced to the pathetic "I am your mother," and he finally tells her to fuck off, and the school counselor always kept a bottle of Malibu Rum in his desk, so he can shut up too, and they can all shut up because he loves Jessica. They talk about how the vampires are killers like it says on TV, and he just ignores all that and kneels with a smile: "Summer, I wish you well. I wish you the best husband in the whole world. But that ain't me." Hoyt is so dreamy. If you're going to get dumped for a dead person, that's how you want it to go down.

Lafayette, who was up all night with the talking dolls and going slowly insane, decided to come to work early. But he was in such a rush to get away from the talking dolls that he forgot his Merlotte's key. So now he is just standing around in a hoodie, looking very manly because he didn't have time to get pretty. Sam unlocks the door for him, but then suddenly Sam's hands are covered in blood and he's saying/thinking "Cross me and you're a dead man." Lafayette jumps back, as would you, because that is some startling shit.