True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Be Quiet & Drive

"Wrapped in silver, encased in concrete. You won't be going anywhere for at least a hundred years... A hundred years during which you will go mad. Madder even than you are now. And you are as mad as a fucking hatter!"

Bill could not be cool if you gave him coolness lessons. It's just not something he can do. He tries, he tries all the time to be cool and this is the inevitable result. Anyway, is this really a punishment, yes it is, no it isn't, they go around and around about it, and the whole time Godric is just so embarrassed for Eric and trying to talk him out of it and finally Eric screams, "This is what you made!" Which is the saddest thing, I think, you could say. If you ever find yourself in the situation of speaking to your deceased vampire sire about the ethics of revenge, you could say that for extra poignancy.

So those three old bitches just keep talking and talking and finally Eric pulls a lever or whatever and the cement starts covering Russell and he burbles and gargles and then slowly disappears and the last thing he says, pointing one burnt-up finger, is: "You will regret this." Still laughing. I love how no matter what's going on, Russell finds it amusing. And Eric is like, "But right now, it feels fucking good." The less fucking good feeling comes immediately after, when Godric leaves full of pain and Eric is allowed to feel ashamed, tears welling up.

But before you can even process that, Bill does a bunch of weird shit in a row. First (1) he holds out his hand to Eric Northman like they are going to be buddies, and then (2) he cuffs him with more silver handcuffs and throws him in a nearby cement situation, and Eric's like what and (3) Bill totally goes, "When fate presents one with such a grand opportunity, what else is one to do?" I dunno, Frasier, what is one to do? Anyway, he (4) starts the cement going on poor Eric and then he calls Eric's pet human assassin and (5) with Eric's voice tells this guy Ruben to go find Pam (6) and (7) kill her! I'm always impressed when people decide to make up for being boring by turning crazy. It seems to always happen in an instant.

Hoyt conducts Jessica, blindfolded -- "no using special vampire powers, either!" -- into the lovely new house he's rented. She loves it, and tries to be supportive of his new place, all wanting to help and advise him on paint and stuff, but she's not really getting it. So he says that of all the things he wants to do, the first thing is "building a totally tricked-out hidey-hole" for Jessica. So then she's like, "Oh, are we moving in together?" and he's like, "No, I want to marry you," and she reminds him that they can't get married and the VRA is not going to pass and he says that letting other people define your marriage is for suckers and he can just get ordained on the internet and do the job himself.

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True Blood

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