True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: C-
Be Quiet & Drive

Jason comes running in yelling about how he's a cop and whatever, so Andy pulls him back into the Sheriff's office and tells him not to warn the innocent inbred children of Hotshot. Jason has figured out a way through the moral quandary here as follows: "Well, if we stop 'em, somebody else is just gonna start up. Right?" Andy points out that he has just rationalized away the concept of law enforcement, and Jason doesn't know what that means, and they argue about saving Hotshot, and Jason has panther secrets so he runs off to save them, because he doesn't even really want to be a cop anymore.

Tara heads out from the trailer across the Merlotte's parking lot, and remembers everything bad that has ever happened to her in that parking lot, which is a lot of things, even for Tara who only has bad things happen to her. Miss Jeanette, dead and staring with no heart. Franklin, staked with a wooden bullet. Eggs, shot with a regular bullet. Tara cries and feels weirded out and sort of like how totally unfair it is that even her PTSD has PTSD at this point.

Maxine and Summer's fangbanger intervention for Hoyt finds him heading to work and obstructed by like this Teabagger rally of two with folding chairs and purses and the high school's guidance counselor. The hate on Hoyt's face whenever his mom is around is really wild. So they do the whole intervention thing, reading letters like so:

"Dear Hoyt. I have known you ever since you were on Safety Patrol and helped me across the street every day. You always smiled and said Hey to me. I have watched that kind, caring boy grow into a fine, outstanding, great man. But now, instead of choosing life, you want to go back to a vampire who just wants to drink your blood, and it just breaks my heart."

Summer's amazing. Meanwhile, Maxine's letter is just bullshit as usual -- "You are my first- and only-born and if you think I am going to sit back and watch you throw your life away on a redheaded dead girl you are sorely mistaken. There will be consequences" -- to which Hoyt responds that Maxine has nothing on him: She can't throw him out, he already left. Can't disinherit him, she has nothing. She's reduced to the pathetic "I am your mother," and he finally tells her to fuck off, and the school counselor always kept a bottle of Malibu Rum in his desk, so he can shut up too, and they can all shut up because he loves Jessica. They talk about how the vampires are killers like it says on TV, and he just ignores all that and kneels with a smile: "Summer, I wish you well. I wish you the best husband in the whole world. But that ain't me." Hoyt is so dreamy. If you're going to get dumped for a dead person, that's how you want it to go down.

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True Blood




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