True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: C-
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Be Quiet & Drive

Calvin is not happy to see Jason in Hotshot, nor his daughter, and there's a lot of yelling, and even though Jason is saving his bacon Calvin's still just very stubborn and ungrateful and trashy, but the rest of the people start getting the V together to get rid of it, and burn down the meth lab, and in his little way Jason points out that Cal isn't making any sense really, and besides that Hotshot is totally gross and all the people are malnourished and uneducated and "several people obviously got dental problems" and things like this. The kid with the long hair that was noshing that deer that time calls Norris "Uncle Daddy Calvin," which, my God.

Uncle Daddy is prevented from tossing the V by Felton, who is very high on it and is now shooting people left and right. Calvin says that anybody who would use V is a "little pussy," which is funny when you're a werepanther, I guess, and so Felton shoots him in the head. Which would make me sad, if Calvin didn't already suck so much.

Well, thanks to Russell, the VRA will totally not be passing into law this year. And thanks to Arlene, Terry is out on the front stoop crying like a lunatic, because he is a lunatic. Sam apologizes to him in depth for all the horrible things he said to poor Terry last night. This only makes Terry cry harder, because Terry is having some kind of happiness meltdown. It's super annoying and weird and Sam seems like he is going to fucking lose it and bounces as fast as he can, because this is some wild hairy crazy right here:

"It's more than okay. It's great. Arlene's good. Our baby's good. Coby and Lisa are good. My armadillo Felix is good. And now we're okay? Just when I thought it couldn't get any better. I swear, sometimes I feel so lucky. And so grateful. And I feel it so hard, I think it's just gonna split me in half. And I don't ever want it to stop. You know?"

Whatever. Meanwhile Tommy has run away in the most childish possible way, leaving the fridge open and the taps running and the A/C on full blast. Sam shakes his head and things about what a little jerk Tommy is, and I presume wanting to patch things up with him because that's how Sam rolls when he's not shooting people to death, but then he remembers how Tommy is a safecracking shapeshifter that's already stolen from him like multiple times.

While Andy crushes on the DEA guy in basically the same way Jason decided he loved cops, and is brutally rebuffed as a bumpkin, Felton's still down in Hotshot acting the fool. Jason, as a onetime frequent user of the V, tries to explain to him how he's insane right now even though he thinks he's fine, but Felton is not having it. Jason is often quite a good communicator. But then very quickly everything changes: Felton gets Crystal, and Jason gets Hotshot. Just like that. They're like, Felton and Calvin were the alpha panthers or whatever, and you seem to have some fresh new ideas like basic health care and nutrition. And so there's this sort of great moment where he shoulders the responsibility and he's like, "Okay, everybody. My name is Jason."

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True Blood

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