True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Never Jam Today

Sookie asks after Lafayette's leg, and he admits that Eric forced him to drink the thousand-year-old elixir of his blood. "Me too! He tricked me!" ("It ran down my chin like a warm jet of champagne! It got all over my clothes, they were so dirty! I felt so naughty I had to take a hot, wet shower! I had to get all soaped up and wash it off! And fuck Bill for three hours, for some reason! Eric's back muscles are like a sweating, heaving stallion! I was tricked!") Lafayette suggests that somebody slap the shit out of Eric, and Sookie giggles. "I did! He groaned a little! His thighs are like a tiger in the jungle, that could kill you in an instant! I want to eat an entire cheesecake!"

Then they talk about the amazing constant sex dreams, which Lafayette points out are not only awesome, but terrible for him considering his PTSD and total hatred of Eric, which Sookie can only infer so far. God, given Sookie's sexy/gaywad fucking-and-crying dreams about Eric, I can't imagine what Lafayette's would be like. "It is so hot on this yacht in Ibiza, I better pour champagne all over a hundred guys in thongs, and then make them do a little dance and watch us bone." Oh man, but that's like Queen Sophie-Anne's regular life! As fun as a theoretical meet up between Maryann and Nan Flanagan is, the idea of Sophie-Anne and Lafayette even being in the same town gives me the shivers. It would be like Maryann but instead of drunks humping it would be like spontaneous outbursts of fabulousness. Picture it: Jane Bodehouse in Yigal Azrouƫl, fierce-catwalking across the sky.

As much as Sookie and Lafayette dishing about their Eric dreams is wonderful/terrible, that's how terrible/wonderful it is to see Lettie-Mae Thornton rolling out onto the porch, yowling like a cat. Lafayette is like, "Christ, what now." She informs them that Tara is breaking her heart and that she can't handle it anymore. I don't know how old she is, but she has been rode hard and looks about a hundred; she can't have much of a liver left; she's never been anything approaching stable: Girlfriend has a point. Maybe the unflappable Sookie could take guard? "She can't hurt you like she's hurtin' me," Lettie Mae says, characteristically assuming that nobody has ever suffered like her, and Sookie's like, "I beg to differ." The line reading is really smart here, because you can hear in her voice that she understands her intervention role and has not yet been wounded by Tara's bullshit, but knows the next one will hit twice as hard, and she's not interested in losing/killing Tara herself on top of everything else.

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True Blood

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