True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Never Jam Today

The creature takes on Eric's voice now: "And that's why I'm gonna have to kill you." He cocks the gun, crouching and smiling sweetly as Lafayette whines: "I thought you wanted to be a vampire. You know how you feel with my blood inside you?" He is beautiful; as beautiful as in Sookie's dreams. "Well, being a vampire is like that. Times a million," he says intensely, staring into Lafayette's eyes. "Goodbye, sweetheart," he says, winking, and pulls the trigger. Vampires mean death. It's that simple. Every night, for the rest of your life.

When Sookie and Tara return -- and as important as that scene just was, you have to wonder how that went -- he's just gone. Eric too, but I mean Lafayette. Lettie Mae's standing where she was standing the whole time, and ushers Tara away, claiming she did nothing to him. Tara turns, still capable of being embarrassed, at the bottom of the stairs: "Sookie? ...I need your keys..." Sookie reminds her she's being a fucking idiot -- just like Sam did, with Jason, and just like Jason Tara's going to run into a few trees on the way -- and they watch her go. Sookie wraps her arms around herself and hopes for the best.

"Hey, you think Sam's ever turned into a dog and then had sex with a lady dog?" Only Jason Stackhouse. Andy is appalled, but Jason pulls a page from the Book of Amy: "No, it ain't bestiality if there ain't a human involved. Then it's just nature." Hard to disagree. (Have you read Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan? Trigger alert if you've got stuff, but it's a compassionate and wise, healing, Angela Carter/LeGuin-level fairytale if you can deal with the beginning.) Andy points out a random Bon Temps lady running around with toilet paper, and Jason's horrified. "We gotta fix things, Andy. I ain't lettin' weird shit like this take over my town." He thinks he can come home.

Inside, Rosie from the switchboard is laughing her ass off that some poor screaming soul dialed 911 and got her. She sees Andy come in and hurls herself on him, but he's so creeped out that she thinks he doesn't remember the time they nearly had sex. (On the walls it says, LO LO BROMIOS and it says FUCK AUTHORITY and there are dicks and anarchy symbols. I love that: "What do you want to do today?" Well, there are no limits and no law, so we'd probably better go deface the police station. "I love that idea! Fuck authority!") Once she sees Jason she pushes Andy aside and jumps on him, and offers to fuck him "every which way but north," so he -- I think -- comes up with the plan of keeping her busy blowing him while Andy gets the guns. Andy is appalled, but runs off, and then she gets a little too violently frisky and makes Jason nervous.

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True Blood




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