True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Never Jam Today

Hoyt was as adorable at every age imaginable as he is now; his pictures fight those of his father on Maxine's shelves. There's wrestling on TV, to calm his nerves, while he sits in daddy's chair with a baseball bat, waiting for the next thing. Maxine's in the kitchen, making a Snickers/potato chip casserole for God, sprinkling it with cheese and Rachael Ray (Paula Deen?) spices. Hoyt comes in to check on her as she's pouring on hot sauce, and is grossed out: "Oh, God. Nobody's gonna eat that!" She assures him that He will. "And He is gonna love it. Ooh, we have to hurry! Maryann will remember this day for the rest of her life! I don't have the heart to tell her it's all downhill from here. Ain't a woman alive who'd go through with it, if she knew the truth." So: It's a wedding after all.

"Oh, Hoyt, you can go ahead and pack that box of chardonnay in the car," Maxine says distractedly, and he grabs her, promising to take care of her like he promised. "You were ten," she growls. "Let it go." He moans, saying that he's already let too much bad happen to her, and she snorts. "You haven't let enough bad happen to me. You know how many times I wanted to go down to Merlotte's, and drink myself silly, and find some dumb redneck to take to my bed? But no, I had to take care of you." She shoves him, calling him a pansy like his dad, and he bristles. "Daddy was a hero!" he says, confused, and she informs him in quick order that "Daddy" was a secret drinker, probably a homosexual, and shot himself in the head. "I lied and said it was a burglar because otherwise we'd have never gotten that life insurance money, dumbass." Hoyt crumbles all to hell. His guides are gone.

Outside Maryann's, there's a fat man doing a meat dance while a naked couple bobbles around. Sookie is horrified, talking about the violation in seeing "people who are the exact opposite" of everything Gran was, defiling her house. Lafayette tells her to chill: "They ain't themselves, and they're not doin' it on purpose." Sookie talks about the first time she met Maryann, how clearly she was fucking bizarre, "thinking creepy foreign stuff," and she did nothing. "How come there's so much wrong in the world, Lafayette?" she cries, apropos of nothing. "How come so many people are willing to do bad things and hurt other people?" Because they're weak, of course. She gasps bravely: "Well, I am not weak. And I am not afraid." You go, Glen Coco. "I am gonna kick that bitch's evil ass out of my Gran's house, and then you are gonna shoot her." Lafayette agrees, reiterating the plan one more time: "In the fuckin' head!"

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True Blood

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