True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Never Jam Today

Arlene and Terry drop literally out of the trees, doing some childish fun "you're trespassing!" stuff that little kids might do in a Jane Austen novel, asking for "a hundred million dollars" and Lafayette's wonderful pants. Terry goes for the gun, and Lafayette offers him drugs instead. Arlene is all about how drugs are for losers, but once Lafayette pulls out a fiesta of multicolored pills, Terry gets very excited and tells her about the effects on their sex life, so they start Hanselgretelling down the path after Lafayette, who scatters the pills like chickenfeed while Sookie heads inside. How much you want? "All of 'em," Terry says, and Arlene delightfully agrees: "Yeah, because if a job ain't worth doing all out, then why order a hamburger unless there's steak at home, or... Something like that, right?"

Eric sprawls in a beautiful grey suit, with Pam in a glittery red pantsuit behind him, considering Sam and his young charges. "Why should I help you, shifter?" That old rivalry again. Sam honestly just needs the help, but offers a boon in the future. "Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?" Eric immediately asks, since this is the one man in her life he doesn't control, and Pam rolls eyes. Sam cannot give himself Sookie, much less Eric. "Well, that's a shame. That would be a tribute I would not soon forget." Sam gets all bristly and says he's not there to give tribute, and Eric points out the realities: "No. You're here to request my help, based on a hypothetical future in which you return the favor." Seriously. Sam, come on.

Sam remembers that this is the case and he has no leverage, but Eric's not done. "But you are known to not be friendly toward those like me," Eric says HELLA AWKWARDLY, like who even talks like that, and asks why he should trust old Sam. "Because until somebody starts trusting somebody, we're all single targets. Just ripe for the picking." Which is sweet, but Maryann's not ever going to be a vampire problem. The Queen could tell you: She's in some other venn diagram on some other page of the universe. She's too much life, and vampires know all about that. "I have no knowledge of this maenad creature, although I suspect it's the bullheaded beast that passed through recently. Right, Pam?" Pam spits and mourns her shoes, but Eric says there might be somebody with better info. Which I like, because in both this and Bill's case it's not about power or aristocracy, but just the fact that Sophie-Anne knows all kinds of shit. They're not begging for her favor, they're asking for her knowledge. It makes her a lot easier to buy this way.

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True Blood




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