True Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Never Jam Today

Andy starts in about how Jason is totally perverse, and Jason finally gets sick of getting messed with. "Why ain't you never liked me, Andy? Is it because of how much pussy I get?" No, he says with his elaborate shrug; Basically, he means, yes. "Because I ain't taking any pussy away from you. There is more than enough pussy to go around." (Wait until they find out every pussy has a human being attached! They are going to freak out!) "It ain't about pussy. I just think you've had everything too easy." Jason explains that fallacy in detail, which is basically that nobody has it easy, and he's hot because he "works out like fuck" -- and watches porn "to learn stuff" -- and being all-state QB was great but shot his knees before he was thirty, his best friend was a serial killer who killed everybody he slept with plus his only living parent, his real parents died when he was a child, he's poor, and basically dumb. Andy weakly protests, but it's over. We're in speechville again, and loving it:

"You may hate me, Andy Bellefleur. You may think you're better than me, and maybe you are. But you and me are the ones who have received the calling to save this town. So obviously God wants us to bury the hatchet. It's all up to us, and we can't fuck it up. Because this town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumbasses, but they're still Americans, Andy." Andy notes that being an American used to mean something. "It still does." They clasp hands before leaving the truck and grabbing guns, and fall into a manly, American kind of love with each other.

Meanwhile Sam is sitting on a porch somewhere with a shotgun when Bill vamp-zooms up into his face, presumably to ask him to be so kind as to get sacrificed to the devil without making a huge fuss about it.

Meanwhile -- still on the floor in Maryann's kitchen, still lying where Gran died -- Mike Spencer is laughing into Sookie's ear about the road not taken to the point that she's bored and just goes, "Mike, enough with the foreplay, let's just... Let's just do it already." He says it's fine for her to be on top, because it's better for his back, and she immediately proceeds to club the shit out of him with a cast-iron skillet. Upstairs, she hears groans of pleasure -- "Oh, yeah, baby, you... Oh, yeah, I want me some of that, show me how you shake your moneymaker, that's it..." -- and opens a bedroom door only to find some random tattooed guy fawning over himself in a dress. "Too much?" he asks, and she closes the door politely on him. "Way too much." I love Sookie under pressure. She's like a person, plus awesome.

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True Blood

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