Jason starts out having a sort of issue with Crystal's werepanther nature, but once he confronts Kitch Maynard about his V use and learns the whole town of Bon Temps is either on the make or on drugs, he decides adding "cat people" to the list of things about Crystal that is not a huge jump to make. She's not budging on the whole "raid Hotshot" issue, but we knew Jason was going to end up kissing some kind of Hotshot drug ring ass by the end of things. (Also, Felton is her HALF-BROTHER, gross, and that spacker that was eating the deer she describes as her "double cousin.") I just wish Kitch Maynard had his own show, Kitch Maynard Don't Give A $#&%, where he scoffs arrogantly. At everything from conventional wisdom, to popular consumer products, to your pets. And then we do pushups.
Sam is still on a bender, attacking Terry and Arlene in front of everybody and generally making a full-on ass of himself in front of the whole town. Arlene and Holly run off to have a little bit of a Wiccan abortion ceremony, which Arlene at first thinks is successful but then learns was not. Terry's ecstatic that their devil baby is sticking around, but of course Arlene did not suddenly become less of a superstitious twit, so she's still wigging out. And if you were wondering about Holly's face, it's still like that.
Tara mourns for Eggs some more, and then scares the piss out of Andy Bellefleur, who cries and comes clean about the whole Eggs deal in a really remarkably sweet way. Meanwhile, Sam kicks Tommy out of his house, job and life, engendering a new enmity and more Mickens-style robbery, and then realizes he is officially the worst person in Bon Temps besides Tara, so they hook up again based on being unpleasant and unpopular.
In other Bon Temps news, Hoyt offers himself up to Jessica as a fulltime blood donor, which is oddly sexy and sweet rather than revolting. This is the story of Hoyt and Jessica, but for some reason it's like no problem at all. Summer runs to Maxine, whom apparently is a major factor in that failed relationship, in super creepy ways I'm still not sure we fully understand. Oh, and Lafayette is going nuts: First he has a V aftershock in which Jesus looks all demonic, and then he gets taunted by all the dolls and images and voodoo stuff that covers his entire house. Which is still worse than contemplating a night without Jesus. Drugs do not pay!
While Yvette is helping Sookie escape Eric's dungeon and helping Bill beat up Pam, Eric is off to fund Russell and offer him Sookie's faery blood. Because Russell is a full-on hooker-killing maniac at this point, he goes for it. Bill and Sookie get about halfway back to Bon Temps -- talking merrily about what their queerbutt lives would be like with none of the many, many problems they constantly create for themselves -- before Eric and Russell kidnap 'em and head on back to Fangtasia! where, unbeknownst to Sookie, Eric sells Bill on his big plan.
And the big plan? Eric and Russell chow down on Sookie, putting her under once again, and then head out into the bright Louisiana sunlight. It works just long enough for Eric to handcuff himself to Russell with silver, and settle in to die in the parking lot, with Sookie whiting out inside, and most importantly Pam watching her maker die on the closed-circuit TV's inside the bar. Sad! But hopefully this is one of those plans that Sookie Stackhouse fully ruins without even trying.
Oh no! Sookie's been locked up in a dungeon for five seconds while Eric works on saving the world for everybody! Time for random people to start running around all crazy trying to save her. Bill comes zooming over from his house to get yelled at by Pam, Yvetta runs downstairs to unlock her shackles and get her upstairs, it's the usual Sookie Party. All Sookie wants to do is chat about how much Eric sucks, and Yvetta is all over that task, sending her upstairs with a big length of silver chain and extreme prejudice. I can't believe that's all there was to Yvetta, just this weird stripper lady like she always seemed.
Upstairs, Pam is giving Bill the business. Firstly, she says that Sookie is not even there, but Bill knows that's a lie. Secondly she says Sookie came over on her own, which is true because of Eric's weirdly coded suicide messages, and that maybe she didn't ask Bill along because she's scared of him. Which isn't exactly true, but she should be. "I don't think she wants you anymore," Pam muses, but little does she know that Sookie's on her way upstairs right now with a big old grudge against Fangtasia! management.
Pam tells Bill he's just a vampire baby compared to her, and that he is an "infatuated tween" who has no idea what's really at stake. Bill replies that he is just like Sookie in that there is no bigger picture, just him and Sookie being all obsessed on each other, and whines at such a constant rate and pitch that finally Pam just starts macing him with colloidal silver so he'll shut up. It is so awesome! But then Sookie and Yvetta come up from downstairs and ruin everything, securing Pam with the chain and a bunch of bloody fighting so that Sookie can coo over Bill's fucked up face and talk even more about how Pam and Eric are big jerks.
"You were supposed to be a gift for Edgington," Pam explains. "Now we're all gonna die, because of one freaky little human." Sookie, awesomely, is like, "GREAT." They leave Pam with Yvette's angry gold-digging self and some jokes about Estonian emigrants that don't even really make sense, but hey, it's Yvetta, the Little Stripper That Still Doesn't Matter. At least Hustler Tony got an awesome death scene, but poor Yvetta is all just broken English and boobies hanging out.
Over at Lafayette's house, Jesus is tripping out on his V experience. Lala tries to explain that V is unpredictable and sometimes very magical, other times not so much, but like anybody who just discovered psychedelics Jesus is convinced that drugs are magical and whatever. "Without fasting, without praying, without any other ritual! We time-traveled into ourselves! There were fucking answers there!" Lala tries to chill him out, but they both know it was a very special trip they went on. Jesus starts acting like a total addict -- "I feel like everything that I need to learn is just one drop away!" -- but it's hard to argue with that sort of thing when the addiction is to experiencing the divine. Jesus: Freak.