It's a crisis every character has hit on this show, at some point or another: That nothing we do matters, which means the only that matters is what we do. But if there's nobody watching and nobody left to judge you, and everybody else is cheating, then the only rule you can possibly follow is the one you feel inside yourself. And if your gut is telling you to love Crystal no matter what she turns into, then the only way to be a man is to listen.
Everything in Lafayette's house is alive tonight. It's not going away. "Come with us. We need you!" Little dolls like Wonderfalls, speaking in little voices, dancing around and beckoning him toward the world of magic: There's Great-Great Winnie, and her mother Mae; there's trickster monkeys and even a robot. There's a terrifying witch-doctor with dark plans for his grandson. They're all calling Lafayette's name. Maybe he just lives here now. Maybe it was the mythical Last Trip and now he's just burnt out, or finally holy, or whatever you want to call it. He's always been a shaman. Maybe now's just the time for him to balance both sides at once, just like everybody else. And anyway, as V side-effects go, even this Scariest Thing Ever Of This Show is still less traumatizing than what happened to Jason's dick that one time. I still feel sad about that.
Eric does not drive Sookie's car in a mindful way, but he gets it done. They pull up, the four of them, outside Fangtasia!, and everything is spray-painted and graffittoed with hate speech, thanks to Russell's little stunt the other night. Russell's spouting Crazy Old Man talk -- "Everything as far as your deficient human eye can see will be mine" -- and Sookie's spouting Crazy Old Sookie talk -- "Pride goeth before a fall!" -- and nobody notices Eric telling Bill to start a big fight with him so they can get a second to discuss Eric's actual plan. As much as I want to know what he's up to, because I think it's fairly clear how this will play out, I still get nervous when they talk about putting Eric's face in danger. Meanwhile the old crank loon is like, "Graffiti is the desperate cry of your dying reign! Your so-called society is disintegrating! Soon there will be anarchy and then there will be me!"
Um, we've totally heard this plan before. It is the craziest plan it's possible to have. How disappointing, Russell. How very disappointing. Although points for the kitchen-sink bonkersness of "Graffiti is the desperate cry of your dying reign!" Like you could just look around yourself and go to town. "Billboards are a decadence that will be your undoing! Crepe-sole Cole Haans are a sign of the coming apocalypse! Um, cell phones give you puny human cancer! Fixed-rate mortgages! Geico ads with the talking money! Snow's 1993 single 'Informer'! All these and more will be your undoing!"
Tara wonders, validly, why Sam is being a total monster tonight, and he isn't really into talking about it. But then what are you going to say? "Turns out being white trash is genetic and I killed these people this one time and I'm sort of spiraling out of control for no real reason." But Sam's like, "How come Tara Thornton gets to be a crazy asshole to everybody and nobody cares?" Tara points out that people do care, and that she is known as the biggest bitch in the entire parish and nobody likes her except her cousin and the town freak and the occasional serial killer, so like don't follow her example.
Sam's not sure he ever really had any friends either, but Tara doesn't let him off that easily: "You had Terry, before you jumped all over him. You had Arlene before you called her a bitch... You had Tommy, before you ripped him a new asshole." Sam disagrees with all of this, which just leaves Tara. Who has proved once again that they deserve each other, by sticking around long enough to find the eye of the storm. They talk about how they are variously perceived -- Sam as a nice guy on whom it is fun to shit, Tara as a threat to your person and belongings -- and then pretty soon they just kind of giggle in a wildly sexy way about what assholes they both are, and then -- while poor little Tommy cleans out Sam's vault once again -- run off to have some nihilism sex, which is not the worst kind of sex. Unless you are having it with Bill Compton, of course, in which case trust me: You are going to hear about it later.
Very beautiful Arlene dreams about fishing, her mom calling her home, and wakes up to Terry screaming her name again and again. She thinks at first that the kids are sick or something, but of course it's the insane amount of blood shooting out of her uterus onto every surface in the house that's got Terry in an uproar. She's incredibly sweet to him while he panics, and then collapses in grief, telling him it'll be okay. She's going to be okay, she can tell, but it's likely that there is no more baby. "We'll cry later, okay? Okay?" I never thought I would turn around on Arlene, especially this quickly, but I just like her more and more every week.
Jason comes home with his gun, assuming Crystal's left, and he can't keep the relieved and loving smile off his face, even when he's worrying aloud about still having lost Sookie. She tells him not to mess with her, when he says he wants to stay with her, and his smile is beatific. "I'm not playing. I mean it. No one in this town is what they're supposed to be. So you turn into a panther, what the hell. That ain't so bad. Besides, I love you." She grins: Jason Stackhouse loves a Hotshot girl.
Jason tries to get her to agree she's not one of those anymore, but she isn't done with them quite yet. Crystal asks him to help her stop the oncoming raid, putting Waco images in his head -- "Felton and Daddy are crazy... They'll light that whole place on fire and everybody in it" -- and reminding him about the innocent kids. She admits that the naked freak that was eating a deer and hissing that one time is her "double cousin" Buford, and that he's not right, but not really representative of the town as a whole. It's persuasive, but not as persuasive as the idea of Crystal going up against the DEA all by herself. I cannot wait until the next episode, that all sounds insane and like really exploitative. Maybe they can have Janet Reno there boxing a kangaroo or wrestling gators, like she did when she was young.
Russell is not buying the Faerie thing about Sookie, and her crossed arms tacitly agree. He points out that he is like a bajillion years old and that surely he would have come across a fairy before now, but Eric's like, well, she's a hybrid and maybe the very last one of all time. So it turns out that Hadley's whole plan really did make sense: If Hunter has the same thing going on that Sookie does (and that Jason and Hadley, for example, basically don't) then her kid really is in huge trouble. I'm glad that makes sense. Sookie tells them both they are insane, and wants Bill to back her up since he drinks her blood constantly and never told her about the approximate sunlight effect he got that one time.
Instead, Bill concedes that it worked, although more than it really did and in a way where it seems like he's been doing it all along. Sookie, of course, goes nuts and starts screaming at everybody. Once again, Bill's in the position of lying to her and lying about the lying and saying, "You going through this horrible thing while I watch and pretend not to care is probably a good idea." Russell, of course, doesn't trust Bill at all, but Sookie is too made to analyze what's going on as he tries to talk her into doing it. Sookie tells everybody -- Bill, Eric, Russell, even Pam -- to go fuck themselves, at top volume, and Russell agrees to test her out, on the condition that Eric join him. Eric was expecting this, and grins. Pam looks off, distracted, with a sharp pain in her eyes that says she expected it too.
In the hospital now, Arlene begs Terry to stop worrying and just go with the flow. It's very sad, and they are both very sweet, and Terry's fast-forwarding through the stages of grief all about how he shouldn't have let her work or do anything for herself and that this is all obscurely his fault and it's just heartbreaking. And no less because now we're having to watch Arlene watch Terry go through something she did on purpose, once again, which makes her very strong in a very specific and very sad way. And