Sookie and Warlow's standoff is interrupted by Bill Compton, who commands his vampire son to come with him and give him some faerie blood. After a lot of wig-wearing flashbacks, we learn that we already knew everything about how Lilith turned Warlow to begin with, but not the part where the next thing he did -- after killing everybody but Baby Niall, to continue the Fae royal line -- was to go kill Lilith the first time around. It's a painful reunion for them both, but ultimately screaming about it calms them down. Warlow is still into the extinction of vampires, though, and Bill is still into the extinction of faeries if that's what it takes.
Speaking of, there's one Bellefleur daughter left! Oh, thank goodness. Holly calms Andy down from his righteous revenge anger, but that's only one bad thing that is going on with the Bellefleur Boys: Terry has reached his breaking point after killing Patrick last year, and hires another of their old war buddies to kill him when he least expects it. Todd Lowe is heartbreaking in a way we haven't seen in a while, and even Arlene's pretty sympathetic with her complete inability to notice what he's planning.
After a fight with Governor Burrell about the fate of his vampire daughter, Sarah storms all the way over to Jason's house, where -- in part because of his Ben-related masculinity issues -- they fuck like crazy. But Jessica, after a totally squicky blood-drunk attempt at sleeping with Bill -- shows up fae wasted and losing her mind. After a quick fight with Sarah, she gets carted away by the LAVTF. To whom, meanwhile, Eric and Tara have also given themselves up for reasons I don't quite understand -- meaning that Bill's vision of the future has already come to pass. Oh, and then having remembered that he's not a racist and he's maybe in love with Jessica, Jason joins the LAVTF himself, undercover.
Pam spends the day regaling a Nazi psychiatrist with the secrets of vampirehood -- a truly fabulous performance, hilarious and heartbreaking by turns -- but in the end Sarah and Steve locks her into a duel to the death with Eric. Which suits the Governor just fine, considering that's exactly the kind of father/daughter horror Eric served him up last week. (Willa's in a supermax private cell, getting menaced by her guard, but that's an ickiness that probably won't last too long once Godric's kids get themselves out of this mess.)
Something with Alcide yelling at his dad, and then his dad sees Sam and Nicole yelling at each other, and it's all very yelly. But I guess now the Shreveport Pack is back on the trail to finding Emma, and I guess that's still a storyline that is going on.
Sookie, though. Hoo boy. Left alone with no Ben and no Bill and nobody to blow up, she focuses on the last thing Ben told her: That he killed her parents that night because they were going to kill her. Ridiculous, right? Well, Lala agrees to a séance to figure that out -- after a beautiful speech where she reminds us that the Great Revelation took her psychic ass from knowing everything all of the time to never knowing anything at any time and being constantly lied to -- and it turns out, he was telling the truth.
That night at the bridge, the Stackhouses were coming off a very scary meeting with a moderately charming Warlow, who had just notified them that: Sookie is a faerie, they are both royalty, he was promised her in marriage by an ancestor because she's the first female Brigant born in five thousand years or something, and that part of this deal is that he's going to turn her into a vampire so she'll be immortal and he won't have to be lonely ever again. It's this last part that is the deal breaker, so in true Sleeping Beauty fashion, Corbett decided to kill her that very night.
Sookie gets very Sookie about this, because she's not that dumb that she would fall for Ben's crap (while even she acknowledges that she has somewhat fallen for Ben's crap), but then Corbett jumps into Lafayette's body and knocks her ass out and takes her down to the river and drowns her, finishing what he started. Ghosts are the worst!
Next Week: All the daughters fight all the daddies, round two. Bill has a fight with Lilith about how terrible everybody is doing, and that's when you realize Bill Compton is the only person left on the show who can even help anybody, so ... that's not good.
Oh, it was great. Sookie laid a whole trap for Ben that ended with her calling him out right when they were about to do it. I don't even remember what else. Eric turned Willa, figuring she'd either kill her dad or fix his racism, but she ended up in Camp Anna instead. Pam and Nora got taken as well, the latter after figuring out that only Warlow can take down Lilith for some reason. Jason got some of Ben's fairy-vamp blood in him, so he's more Jason than he has been for a long time. And oh right, Jessica ate all of Andy's daughters. That part was dreadful.
GIRL + BOY + NUCLEAR BOMB
Ben is now British (...and a lord). Also nekkid, which rules.
Sookie: "Get the fuck off me or die, Warlow."
Sookie: "No, I have a bomb. You watch your stupid whore mouth."
Warlow: "You don't understand..."
Sookie: "Damn right I don't! Here is just a small partial list of shit I don't understand. Why do vampires hunt me every season? Lie to me constantly? Fake me out into drinking their blood? Come all up in my house and break my china with their god powers? I got more, those are just the ones on my mind right this second."
Warlow: "You are my intended. I've wandered this Earth for millennia, in misery and solitude, waiting for you. Dreaming only of you..."
Sookie: "FUCK YOU."
Warlow: "No, like, Jacob explained this -- almost verbatim -- in the first season of this show."
Sookie: "No, still fuck you. Sorry, Jacob."
Warlow: "But it's our destiny to be together."
Sookie: "Fuck destiny, even with a British accent. Even naked. If you love me so damn much..."
Warlow: "I do, I always have!"
Sookie: "Then why did you kill my parents?"
SPEAKING OF: CASTLE COMPTON
Ol' Jessica's havin' a time. She throws herself in Bill's arms screaming obscenities and self-hatred, and he hangs onto her and pretends it's going to be okay -- and that she didn't just doom us all to Camp Ire -- and then before you know it she's climbing onto him, kissin' him, makin' him barf. Makin' everybody barf. Makin' you barf, makin' me barf. Jessica, quit it please. I know tonight was pretty bad, but knock it the hell off. We are less than three minutes in.