True Blood
Fuck The Pain Away

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 145 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Take Me To The River
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

PREVIOUSLY

Oh, it was great. Sookie laid a whole trap for Ben that ended with her calling him out right when they were about to do it. I don't even remember what else. Eric turned Willa, figuring she'd either kill her dad or fix his racism, but she ended up in Camp Anna instead. Pam and Nora got taken as well, the latter after figuring out that only Warlow can take down Lilith for some reason. Jason got some of Ben's fairy-vamp blood in him, so he's more Jason than he has been for a long time. And oh right, Jessica ate all of Andy's daughters. That part was dreadful.

GIRL + BOY + NUCLEAR BOMB

Ben is now British (...and a lord). Also nekkid, which rules.

Sookie: "Get the fuck off me or die, Warlow."
Warlow: "Sookie..."
Sookie: "No, I have a bomb. You watch your stupid whore mouth."
Warlow: "You don't understand..."
Sookie: "Damn right I don't! Here is just a small partial list of shit I don't understand. Why do vampires hunt me every season? Lie to me constantly? Fake me out into drinking their blood? Come all up in my house and break my china with their god powers? I got more, those are just the ones on my mind right this second."
Warlow: "You are my intended. I've wandered this Earth for millennia, in misery and solitude, waiting for you. Dreaming only of you..."
Sookie: "FUCK YOU."
Warlow: "No, like, Jacob explained this -- almost verbatim -- in the first season of this show."

To wit: "...And then there's vampire guy, who's crossed oceans of time, who’s been waiting… Oh, just hundreds of years for somebody just like you. Vampire guy conspires with time itself."

Sookie: "No, still fuck you. Sorry, Jacob."
Warlow: "But it's our destiny to be together."
Sookie: "Fuck destiny, even with a British accent. Even naked. If you love me so damn much..."
Warlow: "I do, I always have!"
Sookie: "Then why did you kill my parents?"
Warlow: "Awkward..."

SPEAKING OF: CASTLE COMPTON

Ol' Jessica's havin' a time. She throws herself in Bill's arms screaming obscenities and self-hatred, and he hangs onto her and pretends it's going to be okay -- and that she didn't just doom us all to Camp Ire -- and then before you know it she's climbing onto him, kissin' him, makin' him barf. Makin' everybody barf. Makin' you barf, makin' me barf. Jessica, quit it please. I know tonight was pretty bad, but knock it the hell off. We are less than three minutes in.

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True Blood

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