But even with the million fucking ways there are to feel weird about yourself that I personally know of, I still wouldn't EVER want to be a pretty white girl, because just opening your mouth is asking for it. Having any opinions at all is either A) not an option, or B) something you work so hard for that it ends up becoming its own pathology. Maybe Bella wouldn't suck so much if, instead of having to choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob, we had the option of choosing Team Bella. A choice she denies us, as strongly as my girl Heigl seems bent on doing.

So if I can't even see my way to understanding the use of strength, without hedging every single bet -- if I feel guilty even trying to lead -- how much worse is it for Sarah Newlin? She could not only fight a war, she could win it. And she has no fucking clue, because we don't even have the words for that yet.

"I feel like/am becoming/fucking a bizarre creature, that's why I was acting so weird before."
"OMG me too! That's totally why I was acting weird!"
"I just want you to know that I still think of you the same way as I did yesterday. We have a lot more in common than we don't."
"Thank God! Once again, communication has saved the day!"

"Bro, I totally thought it was just me. I felt completely alone."
"I think that's just how it works."

Daphne leads Sam down a road through the forest. You know, last year so much was made of the geography, Sookie's house and the Compton place being on opposite sides of the graveyard; I'd like to have seen this, Maryann's stuff, taking place on the other side of the house, away from the graveyard. Toward a river or a lake maybe. Or actually, no, this serves the same purpose, having it in the forest proper. I love the idea of all that overgrown, lush forest rubbing right up against Sookie's house like that, with the roads criss-crossing through it, contiguous to the places Sam runs and Terry fishes and Tara saw the pig -- and Miss Jeanette, and Maryann -- for the first time. Sam can hear the drums, and stops.

"Don't be such a nervous nelly, it's a surprise!" In her Merlotte's shirt, Daphne leads Sam toward the drums; he worries at it. "In my experience, no good can come from drum music. Follow it and all it ever leads you to is hippies and cults." She goes, "NOT THIS TIME!" super-intense, but also super-imprecise? Because hello, hippies and cults. Two hippies who are in a cult, eyes black as black, appear out of the forest as she's apologizing, and drag him to the bonfire, where Eggs is fucking Tara with eyes black, and Arlene and Terry still monkey-grunting at each other, and Sam, I think appropriately, asks WTF is going on.