"Bitches, don't you know that sarcasm and cold water do not mix?" Eggs and Tara laugh, driving down the sunny road in Maryann's convertible, so you know something terrible is going to happen, because God forbid Tara spend one second smiling, and then Eggs starts feeling these mysterious vibes and eventually leads her off the road and into the mysterious dark forest where he's never been before. He looks really lost, and I've been saying for awhile that I trust Eggs, because if anything he's just the possible future of Tara as a Maryann person, which is not that bad -- but also not as good as not being in a cult -- but it never occurred to me to feel one way or the other about him.

I mean, Take Off Your Fucking Shirt is not an emotion. So this is the first time I've felt an affection for him as a man, separate from Tara, or like I've felt like I had anything invested in him, which is funny because how fucking silly is this scene? Slash-storyline? It's literally the plot of Blair Witch 2: Book Of Shadows, which is not a movie I would normally admit to having seen, but then, you wouldn't think the show would either, and yet here we are.

Terry's bussing a table and Arlene pops up once again to romance him, scaring the shit out of him and saying all mysteriously, "I just got off the phone, and I got a surprise lined up for you..." Um, let me take a wild stab here and say that it's an ORGY. Because see here's the thing, it's not a surprise, per se, when you had an orgy last night and an orgy the night before that. At some point it stops being a surprise, and starts being what you do. Plus, Iraq vet Terry's like, "Hey, remember how I don't like surprises?" Arlene is hilarious, with this "come with me to the casbah" kind of sexy-lady vibe: "I just happen to be an extremely mysterious woman." She's hilarious, he's terrified. What's mysterious about Arlene is how such a lovely woman can look like such ground-beef ass so much of the time. But I do like how, even as deeply wrong and obnoxious Arlene is, they throw in these little scenes to remind us that she's also sort of adorable.