Luke's trying to make up a song to the tune of "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" about the vampire they're going to lynch, on a burning cross, and distracts Jason long enough for him to bang hell out of his thumb with a hammer. And here we thought the hammering was all he was good for. Luke's concerned, but Jason's like, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just stupid." Both Stackhouses should get t-shirts with that. THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN BUT I'M JUST STUPID.
Jason brings up -- wearing the Ring of Honesty as he proudly does -- the whole scenario Luke painted the other day about Sarah just being after his "johnson," and Luke sweetly blows him off: "Man, that's just me being jealous! Even as it was coming out of my mouth, I knew God was frowning on me. Because not only do you deserve everything coming your way, but Sarah, if she ain't the holiest person I know, then I don't know who is!" Jason doesn't go there. Instead he asks if Luke's really been abstinent for the last three years, and Luke's like, "Other than the time I pretended to be a vampire raping you, and jizzed in my pants? Yes. Three long years." Jason's like, "But WHY."
Because sex outside of marriage is a sin, duh, which is why Jesus asked you out today. But Luke's got a whole rubric going: If you do fuck out of wedlock, you have to make sure "the girl you do it to" is also unmarried (Jason literally mutters to himself, "Right. Because adultery is bad."), because adultery is up there with incest and bestiality. Jason gets this great face like, "Why did you go there?" Like how gay marriage automatically makes Christians fantasize about marrying their dog or a Plymouth or something. Three Plymouths. But so even worse than those things is fucking a vampire. OR A DUDE, Luke says very seriously, pointing at him: "Or a vampire dude, that's like crème de la crème of sins." (Um, what about a married vampire dude?)
Poor Jason, because you would be surprised how often this comes up with him, for some reason having to do with how his brain is like 45% gay vampire thoughts. But then, there's repentance. "God's a... He's an open-minded guy. To a point!" Luke says, hilariously, and Jason tries to imagine himself being abstinent, but it almost makes him pass out, so he sings, "Big old scary vampire/ Went to the sun to fry!" Which Luke thinks is the coolest shit, but what's really the coolest shit is how deliberately we're shown in this episode that Jason and Sookie are in the same place: there's Hugo's car now, just over Jason's shoulder.