Up close, Sookie thinks Sarah looks "like vanilla pudding," but she's not. They get out of the car and Sarah welcomes them -- "Happened to be looking out the window as you were driving up, and I thought I'd come on out and greet you myself!" -- and she and Sookie gleam at each other hyperactively for about a million years, getting so aggressively friendly and polite -- says Sookie, "You are cute as a button!"; "You're like a cool breeze on a hot summer day," Sarah somehow says -- that it just ramps Sookie's native dorkiness up to eleven and, despite having promised to shut up and look pretty earlier, talks nervously without ceasing about whatever boring and awkwardly worded shit she can think of. "This is Rufus Dobson, my fiancé. I love saying that word. In fact, sometimes I love it so much, I don't even want to get married, just so I can keep on calling him it!"

Inside Steve's office, with Luke and Jason hammering right out the window, there are WTF cracks appearing in Sarah's calm demeanor because Sookie is still talking. "Rufus and I actually met in church, but we both left, like, a month later when we realized that our pastor was ... a little iffy." Steve nods, hilariously: "He was a homosexual." Like, duh. Sookie's line here is one of the best: "We don't know that, he might have been that too." I don't know why, but that cracks me up. Of course, the issue was that he was into vampires' rights, and tolerance, and all that stuff that's even gayer than being gay.

So as Sarah shakes her head sadly/hatefully, Steve talks about how the usual, how can you love something God detests, and Hugo actually tries to speak for once about how they want to join the Fellowship. Which is smart, because it gives Sookie time to listen to Steve's creepy little Gollumy thoughts (wonder how that platform's coming I can't wait to bring that vampire up from the basement and watch the sun do him the justice that 2000 years of living couldn't), and I hope if they ever make a Transmetropolitan movie that Michael McMillian is available to play the Smiler, because he has that shit down.

So remember the nest last year, and how silly and OTT and cheesy those three dead vampires were, and we talked about how maybe it was just because they didn't have any other role models besides the movies? I think Bill is 85% Lorena right now, back in Chicago as we are, and just trying to learn how to be what he is, putting himself to the fullest possible use. Which is all, I think, that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. So what that means in this case is -- while Lorena lies in her bed at the Hotel Carmilla fondling a necklace she was admiring on the flapper girl earlier -- Bill chowing down on Sidney, then Lorena making him watch as Bill guts the flapper girl -- "say au revoir," he shouts goofily -- and then Lorena snaps the guy's neck, and they make out and roll around in the flapper girl's blood, and Bill gives her the necklace in question -- "You are so thoughtful and generous. I love you, William Compton!" -- and he pushes the girl around in her slippery blood, and then last thing she sees as she's bleeding out is Lorena fucking Bill in fifteen different positions, wearing her necklace. And then, of course, the internet catching fire with the strength of a million viewers simply shocked to learn that vampires kill people. Even vampires such as their imaginary boyfriend Bill Compton.