Lafayette remembers that crazed shaky look in Jason's eye from the day he realized giving Jason Stackhouse vampire blood was the stupidest thing he had ever or would ever in the future do, but Jason assures him this is not the case: "I told you, that shit's behind me! I just need some meth!" (♥.) Lafayette is intrigued, to an extent, and gets downright confused when Jason explains that A) It's for a guy in lockup and B) he is in love. But the two are not as connected as one might think, because in fact Jason's heart has been stolen by the man's cousin sister momwife. (Aside: Are you still watching Big Love? Because some shit has gone down on that show lately that will make you think this show is a documentary. I love it so, so much.) [Then you'll love this. - Zach]
This meeting of the minds is interrupted by a call from Tara, summoning Jason to Ruston to see his blood-free comatose sister die. Lafayette is immediately on that truck, too -- which means I guess that Jessica and Arlene are now in complete control, since Terry doesn't seem to come around much and wasn't really in charge when he was, by choice -- because not only has his suicidal cousin been missing for a couple days, but he has an affection for dying Sookie, as well. Plus, if he doesn't go, who will deliver the Inuit death poetry?
So is Tommy okay? Yeah, he's fine. "Thought Tara had a shitty mother, but you take the cake!" Sam yells. Do they know who Tara is? Probably not, although her mom is so terrible probably everyone in Louisiana would know what that meant. Sam, having had it with Joe Lee's bizarre patriarchy, gets in his naked face about how dare he: "You're just a scared man in saggy underpants with no discernable life skills whatsoever!" (So yeah, I think it's obvious that there's more going on than we think. Still.) He yells at them forever and ever, comparing them to even the Merlottes in terms of shittiness, and then takes Tommy away. "I can't promise you a perfect life, but I can promise you it'll be better than this one." Valid. They leave; Joe Lee tries to comfort his wife; Melinda stops crying and goes cold and yells at him about how much she hates him. Then she turns into a magnificent dragon as big as a barn and eats him, starting with his head. Just kidding, fuck both of them.